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Dowry Robs You Of Your Glory Melvin Durai Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer and humorist. Born in Tamil Nadu, India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. In 1995, while working as a reporter for a daily newspaper in Chambersburg, Pa., he began writing a regular humor column. His weekly column now appears in several newspapers and on a number of Web sites. He also writes a twice-monthly column on Indian and Indian-American issues. He is a diehard fan of the National Football League and also likes to run, lift weights and play soccer, tennis and pool. An award-winning feature writer and aspiring novelist, he plans to publish a collection of his best columns. You can write to him at comments@melvindurai.com To read his older columns, go to http://www.melvindurai.com

When I got married, nobody brought up dowry, not my bride, not my in-laws, not my mother, and certainly not me. If I had even hinted that I wanted dowry, my bride would have immediately called off the wedding. And as if that isn't bad enough, she would have also refused to go on the honeymoon. In other words, I would have been thrown out of the wonderful world of planning a wedding back into the miserable world of reading matrimonial ads. "Parents of a 32-year-old Tamil girl, well-educated, well-settled, well-fed, fair, beautiful, must-see-to-appreciate, seeking responses from engineers, doctors and EMPLOYED computer programmers. Free delivery of girl to your house, 25-year warranty on vital organs, all deals final."

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My wife doesn't believe in the dowry system - and neither do I. In fact, I haven't spent a single second thinking about all the money I missed out on, all those thousands upon thousands of rupees, enough cash to buy an estate in Monaco, where I could have lounged away the rest of my days relishing the sun, sand and sensational tax rates.

I haven't spent a single second thinking about the car I missed out on, perhaps a sleek Corvette convertible with power locks, power windows and power sound.

I haven't spent a single second thinking about all the free appliances I missed out on, perhaps a big-screen television, surround-sound stereo system and samoosa-filled refrigerator. Perhaps even a DVD player with Mira Nair's latest movie already loaded.

Actually, my dowry wouldn't have amounted to much. I've seen the way my father-in-law bargains. After studying my qualifications, he would have demanded a dowry discount: "If the groom were a doctor, I would offer two lakhs. But since he's a writer, I will offer two ducks."

Instead of laughing all the way to the bank, I would have been crying all the way to the pond.

But I really didn't think about dowry. Honest, I didn't. Not for a single second. Even if my wife were uneducated, I wouldn't have expected any dowry, not even that DVD player.

The way I see it, a woman brings a lot more to a marriage than just her earning power -- and I'm not talking about saris. She brings personality, creativity, beauty, affection, and, most importantly, the God-given ability to correct her husband.

Dowry reduces a woman to a commodity, one that can't be traded on its own merit. "My son is a bag of top-quality basmati rice," the groom's father says to the bride's father. "Your daughter is a bag of low-grade, weevil-infested wheat flour. To make this trade equal, you'll have to throw in fifteen bottles of mango pickle, ten cartons of eggs, and five large bags of cash."

The bride's father ponders the deal for a few seconds, then responds: "OK, sounds like a fair deal. How soon can I deliver the wheat flour? I'm eager to part with it, because I have three other bags at home."

Unfortunately, dowry is a very serious matter in India, not just because it's still widely practiced (despite laws against it), but because it precipitates far too much violence against women. Some fall victim to mysterious kitchen accidents, accidents that somehow don't occur when the mother-in-law is cooking.

More than 6,000 women lost their lives in 2000 alone, all because greedy in-laws didn't get what they wanted. And with conviction rates so low, the in-laws didn't get what they deserved either.

Dowry laws need to be enforced and more women need to say, "No, I'm not a commodity. If you want to be my suitor, don't ask for a red scooter. A lifetime of love and adoration is much better than Bajaj transportation."

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