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This morning, minutes before it struck five I woke up smooth. Thank God there was no ache, no intriguing pain in any part of body. Strange did it appear for a moment but I dismissed my mind from my body and looked vaguely at the ceiling. Sunday feeling was within me. I could remain in my bed snuggling another hour for kids were asleep and would remain so until well past ten. Husband away to his folks in the village. So visibly nothing, no cups of tea to be made leaving my reading in between. No tiffins to be packed. The morning was mine, yea! it was.

I must have gone off to sleep because it was already seven when I looked at the clock. Time to get up. A stroll in the backyard lawn filled me with a fresh feeling, rather I craved for more freshness. A long walk by the lakeside. A quick shower, a quicker dressing up, leaving a message for kids I was at the lake in about twenty minutes.

There I was not alone. There were many walkers but a few among them were like me. Looking obliquely, at times glancing at the placid waters of the lake, I kept my pace. I felt light at heart certainly light after a long long time. Watching the birds play in water, I too contemplated a cool dip. Walkers passed by. Silence existed on the vast expanse. It was the time I had long longed for. External peace contrasted with my mind which had suddenly become awry. No, no. I did not believe in all this, I mean donning poetic fancy and getting romantically nostalgic. I was very much myself who knew that an hour from now I will be cooking breakfast for my kids and after completing the other things will sit waiting for my husband to return.

But I found myself different from what I thought about myself. My mind ran away, away and I tried hard to get hold of it. It was already walking ahead and soon started walking beside him. He had just crossed past me. Walking alone perhaps. Keeping a regular pace, he moved on. But why did my mind pick him to walk with? Did he resemble someone I was ever fond of? A light breeze filling me with its connivingly intoxicating spell I felt myself weak not to think of my goneby days. World was so full of charms in the ever so short company of Narain. The whole neighbourhood would come alive as he came home on vacation after the gap of six months or more. He did not know our family initially, we had shifted to this locality in his absence. He was his natural self when he visited us in the company of his mother. Talked a lot about his present posting, his vibes with his CEO, his fellow captains, their frivolous flirtations, his game, his orderly. To me he seemed so well at ease with himself with his work and everybody he came in contact with. A master, a perfect master who had complete command over himself, over everything.

If his frequent visits to our house were any indication, I knew I was the reason. My reclusive nature would hardly ever reveal my mind to him. Before I could read my own mind, my parents had read it. All finalities resolved for the lifelong ties with him, life now seemed acarnival. Narain's presence would fill me with joys unbound with desires unknown. His confidence in himself was enviable. His smile too difficult to resist. A gradual yet a visible change I noticed in my own person. God, wasn't it something which was so alien to my person? In the melancholic moments I worried if I could keep pace with him on the ever so untrodden paths of marital life. But a slight memory of Narain would take away all apprehensions and leave me longing for him as any other damsel would do. Narain's visits back home became frequent. I was happy for I knew I was irresistible. But Dad wasn't happy. A man of high ideals as he was, probably didn't appreciate Narain's attitude towards work. He must have related his mind to Ma who first ignored Dad's idea as an extra cautious outburst. Ma could not ignore it much longer. Her words to me were a message for Narain, said so casually yet said with a purpose with a conviction. What shall I do? To me Narain was infallible, one who could never go wrong. I didn't have any option but to leave with the family as Dad secured himself a transfer. Whatever happened between Dad and Narain's folks was unknown to me. Only way I guessed the thing was over was Mom's taking away the ring from me. I didn't shed a tear. I knew it would be futile. Since then I have never heard from Narain.

But I knew I was dead somewhere, that something was missing in me. But I never said a word of protest. I knew it was of no use. It didn't take much time to Dad in arranging my alliance to a more suitable boy, to one of his old friend's son. I took to the new role the new life as if nothing had happened a few months ago. I didn't want to look back at least I decided not to look back. I convinced myself I was happy. Rest is routine. I bore Vishnu two sons and lived life corporate pattern. Nothing ever looked out of place, nothing ever fell off the track. Life could not offer better deal.

But why did I fall weak when I saw someone resemble Narain? I don't know why my mind, so strong otherwise fell prey to someone gone's thoughts. The lakeside breeze is turning somewhat hot or that the turmoil in my mind is suffocating me. I am unable to decide. I quickly decide to return home, that perhaps would put my mind to rest, would calm my nerves

Back home I failed to concentrate on any thing. Narain's thoughts had cast a vice like grip over my whole self Only that morning did I discover I had not forgotten him, he was still within me sitting somewhere deep in my heart. I wanted to know if I was really happy.

The ache, the longing returned..

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