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Indian Stores Offer Lots of Entertainment Melvin Durai Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer and humorist. Born in Tamil Nadu, India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. In 1995, while working as a reporter for a daily newspaper in Chambersburg, Pa., he began writing a regular humor column. His weekly column now appears in several newspapers and on a number of Web sites. He also writes a twice-monthly column on Indian and Indian-American issues. He is a diehard fan of the National Football League and also likes to run, lift weights and play soccer, tennis and pool. An award-winning feature writer and aspiring novelist, he plans to publish a collection of his best columns. You can write to him at comments@melvindurai.com To read his older columns, go to http://www.melvindurai.com

I love going to Indian grocery stores. Sometimes I go there for food, other times for entertainment. By "entertainment," I'm not referring to the Indian movies available for rent, though they can be quite entertaining, as long as they're not so blurry that Karisma Kapoor looks like Anil Kapoor. (The reverse is just fine.)

By "entertainment," I'm referring to the unique items being sold, items that can't be purchased anywhere else. For example, during a recent visit to an Indian store, my wife, Malathi, and I found the following "exotic" vegetables listed on a sign: brokli, tommotto and calling flower.

As you can imagine, this store was flourishing, attracting customers by the busload. After all, where else could they go to buy calling flower? Certainly not Wal-Mart, which -- despite its size and popularity -- doesn't even carry tommotto. I checked.

The Indian store has undoubtedly touted its goods in newspaper ads:

---"When you're not sure whether to call your mother or send her flowers, try calling flower. It's cheaper than a calling card!"

---"If you don't like our fresh tommottos, remember this: We are the best sauce for tommotto source."

---"We always listen to our customers. They told us they don't like the taste of broccoli -- that's why we introduced brokli. It's a crucified vegetable and contains plenty of anti-accidents."

Needless to say, Malathi and I were impressed that the store carried such rare vegetables. The chicken curry that I made with tommottos was so delicious, I'm never going back to tomatoes. And my mother absolutely loves her calling flower.

But even when we don't find unique items at Indian grocery stores, there's usually such a wide array of goods -- including 2,000 varieties of pickle -- that I can't help smiling while walking down the aisles. The products include Mysore Sandal Soap (slogan: "Distilled by the Government of Karnataka, discarded by the Government of Tamil Nadu"), Turmeric Skin Cream ("When your skin isn't quite yellow enough") and Parachute Coconut Oil ("The number one choice of skydivers everywhere").

My favorite products are Indian sweets, especially the ones with enough sugar to kill a diabetic. I also enjoy anything that contains mango, including mango ice cream, mango lassi, and mango pickle. I can never leave an Indian grocery storewithout buying a mango drink. I would prefer to buy mango juice, but I usually have to settle for mango-flavored water or, more precisely, citric acid with a hint of mango.

I bought a can of mango pulp that, according to the label, was "preparied from finest Aphonso mango's." The label suggested a number of mango dishes that could be made, including mango pie, barfi and "moose." I wonder if you have to be non-vegetarian to enjoy the moose.

Since my wife is a big fan of Indian products, our home is stocked with many such items, including some that cause a little confusion.

Me: "That Mysore Sandal Soap you bought is great. It removed all the dirt from my sandals."

Malathi: "You idiot. That soap isn't for sandals. Didn't you read the package?"

Me: "I did. But for some reason it didn't work too well as a toilet soap."

For an email subscription to Melvin's regular weekly columns (not the ones that appear here), go to www.MelvinDurai.com

Graphic Copyright © Sudeep Ross

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