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Denial of the Rights
We, Indians, show contradictions in our views towards women. On one hand, we worship female power and motherhood. On the other hand, we picture, raise and treat our women as dependent and helpless beings. Why? Why does our gender, a mere attribute, play such a big role in our lives? From the time we are conceived (think of high-tech, gender-based selective abortion) to the time we die, why does our gender get in our way? Why don't we picture, raise and treat our women as general human beings, and not as special cases? Is it really because of tradition? Which tradition? What is our tradition? Indian history is so old and culture so diverse that one can pick any tradition one wants to suit his or her needs. There is a tradition of respecting others, of tolerance, of true education, of seeing the same attribute less essence of the universe called the Brahman or Atman in all beings and things. There is also a tradition of child marriage, of exercising power and control, of oppression, of forced labor, of child labor, of dowry, of gender and caste divisions. Should one pick a tradition that contradicts the basic principles of freedom and human rights? For businesses to survive and do well, we quickly adopt new traditions. Why don't we do the same for the survival and well being of the families, of society, of human race? Following a tradition, whether old or new is not automatic, but a choice one makes in life consciously or unconsciously.

We understand and talk about our children growing up in a bi-cultural society here in the USA. But we may not have thought of women growing up in independent India in a bi-cultural society. The environment consists of new values of freedom and human rights, and old values of glorification of servitude and bondage. If women have a common conflict, it is this conflict, the conflict between the expectations of servitude from others (both men and women) and their own expectations of freedom as human beings. If men do not have this conflict, it is because what others expect of them and what they expect of themselves, match closely. Basic human rights have usually been granted to men by their families

How Women Deal With Their Conflict
Why does a crane stand on one leg? Because if it lifted this leg also, it would fall. Why does the burden of marriage fall only on the woman? Because if she did not bear the burden, the institution of marriage would break down.
--The Riddle of Marriage by Kamla Bhasin.

Family conflicts that occur within an environment of mutual respect, in many cases, can be prevented or resolved by effective communication techniques, which one can learn and practice. However, when a conflict occurs due to a complete denial of basic human rights, it cannot go away magically. When one person uses his or her power to resolve a conflict, the conflict may be suppressed but is not resolved.

Sometimes, one may conclude that the only way to solve a family conflict is by getting out of the family. However, many other aspects of life make it difficult to carry out such a solution. It is very important to understand the options one has. Often people can't see their options clearly. Now-a-days, and especially in the USA, there is a lot of help available. Counseling helps one to understand the problem and see the options. Often, the question of children comes up. Sometimes people stay in a conflicting marriage for the sake of the children. Sometimes one gets out of an abusive relationship for the sake of the children. Divorce of parents is hard for children. But living with violence can be harder. Many children who witness their fathers being abusive to their mothers do the same when they grow up. Similarly, many daughters-in-law who are abused by their mothers-in-law, abuse their daughters-in-law.

Women, who separate from a marriage, also go through a big transition to a new and unknown lifestyle. It is similar to what a woman goes through when her husband dies. Usually, the longer one has been in the marriage, the harder it is to separate, and the harder it is to adjust to the single life. Lack of money, earning skills, survival skills, confidence, and friends are initial hurdles. Women usually name faith in God, support from relatives and friends, professional counseling, help from support groups, job training and experience as things that help them overcome the hurdles.