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In a "Handbook of Proverbs of All Nations," a collection comprising many thousands, two facts are to be observed: first, that the proverbs concerning women are an insignificant minority compared to those concerning men; second, that the proverbs concerning women almost invariably apply to them in general -- to the sex. Those concerning men qualify, limit, describe, specialize. It is "a lazy man," "a violent man," or "a man in his cups." Qualities and actions are predicted of man as individually, and not as a sex, ........ But of woman it is always and only as "a woman," meaning simply a female, and recognizing no personal distinction.
-- Women and Economics by Charlotte Perkins Gilman (1898).

I have always thought of myself first a human being and then a woman. Therefore, what I am going to say is primarily from a human being's point of view. My experience as a woman has given some opportunities to understand the subject.

Nature of the Conflict
Conflicts are usually personal. Some are preventable and others are not. Some have happy endings and others don't. It is hard to generalize. In the past year, because of the nature of my work as a volunteer for the Center for Battered Women and Saheli, a support group for Asian women, I have been exposed to the conflicts many women experience in their lives within their own family. Their experiences vary and conflicts appear in different forms, but many seem to have a common thread. It is the conflict between a natural desire to be treated as a human being and being treated as something else -- "simply a female." It is the conflict between being yourself and being a perceived gender role, an image someone else has carved out for you.

Most of us grew up in independent India, where the constitution defines how a human being in free India should be treated. This is specified in various articles as fundamental rights and civil liberties. Let's examine some of these and ask ourselves whether Indian women enjoy these rights in their homes or are these fundamental rights often denied to women by members of their own family (both male and female) in the name of tradition. Instead of judging whether it is right or wrong to be traditional, please try to understand the questions and honestly evaluate them thinking of your mother, sister, daughter or daughter-in-law, yourself or your wife. I have used Madhu Kishwar's book In Search of Answers as reference for naming some of the fundamental rights and civil liberties.

Protection of Life and Personal Liberty (Article 21).
Do women have personal liberty? Do families grant women the right to make their own decisions in matters of marriage, employment, and daily movements? Do girls receive the education and training to help them make such decisions? What about protection? Are lives of women protected within the family sphere? Why then do we hear about the burning brides and the high suicidal rates among young married Indian women?

Freedom of Movement (Article 19d).
Does the woman in your family decide where she can or cannot go, with whom she can go, and when she must return? Do some husbands feel threatened if their wives go to places on their own? If yes, what is the source of fear? Many mothers-in-law impose restrictions on the movements of their daughters-in-law. Why?

Right to Choose an Occupation and Pursue a Lawful Vocation (Article 19g).
Do the women in your family have the freedom to choose the conditions of their occupation? Many families don't allow their women to work outside the house. Why?

Exploitation: ... against Forced Labour (Article 23i).
Is a woman forced into unpaid labor within the family owned property because it is her "natural duty"? How many hours does she work? Does she get time to relax, rest?

Right to form Associations and Unions (Article 19c).
Is she allowed or denied independent connections with people of her choice, relatives, friends, co-workers? Does she feel free to visit her parents as often as she wants or for as long as she wants? If not, why not? Why do some husbands feel jealous if their wives talk to anyone, even close female friends?

Right to Property (used to be under fundamental rights before an amendment).
Do the female family members have independent control over their income? If not, why not? Are they allowed independent access to income-producing sources of property? How many women in India own land or houses in their name? Middle class families would rather give a large dowry to the in-laws illegally than give property to the daughters as they would to the sons. Why?

Right to Freedom of Speech and Expression (Article 19a).
If the woman in your family feels violated, does she feel free to talk about it? Does your family shun her to silence in the name of family honor, respectfulness etc.? How often does a woman hold back her opinion because she thinks that it is not worth the price?

We will dwell on these and other questions in the next issue of Connect. Feel free to voice your own opinion through the Sawf Discussion Forum.