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I'm Not Ratty Enough! Sudha Somanathan I am a doctor and am training to be an eye surgeon. I love to surf the net, one thing that I will sorely miss when I return to Chennai, my home. I am presently residing in the UK. I am a mother to a lovely 1&1/2 yr. old who makes me laugh, cry, angry, and frustrated in turns and sometimes at the same time, as only toddlers can. I believe greatly in the strength of the 'family unit' and never fail to thank God for making me a part of my family.

        I had never envisaged myself as a housewife; no, not even in my wildest dreams. Yet that's exactly what's been my role in the last 3years. And having become one, I feel very strongly about the injustice of the title. All it implies is that the woman is married and stays at home! If that's not unjust, I can't imagine what is? I mean, staying at home sounds so cushy and carefree while in reality the poor lady is probably slogging just as much, if not more, than the male of the species! And if there are children present, particularly toddlers; then just half the title should be something like--'doing Ph.D. in endurance, entertainment & feeding the fussiest'!

         I can imagine the men groaning 'oh no! not another feminist, all they do is cook, clean the house (occasionally)and there's the maid or the gadgets for the rest of the chores. That just makes me want to repeat a quote i read somewhere that 'women have to do everything twice as well as a man to be considered half as good and luckily that's not difficult'. Baaah, I bet you never saw that one coming!

         Now, how did I become a housewife? I did my graduation and post graduation at Madras in India and came to UK dreaming about becoming a good, if not great, surgeon. But that remains a dream, for it took me 3 attempts to pass the licensing exam to practice medicine in this country. (Why can't the wretched Indian degree be accepted abroad?) Anyway, I passed the exam and just when I thought I was going to storm the eye departments across UK, my darling daughter decided it was time she started her sojourn on our beloved planet. And then everything came to a grinding halt. Not that I did not try, I did attempt further exams (medicos can never say goodbye to exams) but just couldn't crack them.

        Now my innate honesty says i should clarify something here. It's not that children by themselves hinder the mother's studies and career (though some great counsellor did say that she was yet to have a man come to her for advice about combining family and career!) but there are a lot of factors involved. For e.g. - the woman's temperament (God given; can't do much about that), the kind of support (from the other half) available (have loads of ideas for that) and most importantly the mother's attitude and ability to prioritise. I do know for sure that some of my senior women colleagues have simply sailed through their exams and that too soon after having their second child. One of them sent me a v. bitchy reply about how she was happy to know that I had found an interesting way to spend my time - this in reply to my mail where I had forwarded one of my published articles! For God's sake, how much effort does it take to write a simple 'it was nice' comment (even though u don't mean it)?

        Anyway, that was about my seniors. My juniors are even smarter - they have simply not had any children. They have all got career breaks and are steadily climbing up the ladder (which is further aided by the fact that they & their spouses work in different towns which is really ideal if you want to combine marriage and medicine). So here I am, totally out of the rat race, and reading 'toddler taming' and 'what to expect-when u have a toddler' and infrequently downloading recipes from the net!

        But if anybody asks me whether I have been miserable all this while, the answer would of course have to be an emphatic 'no'. I have had a wonderful time raising my baby (bless her) and being able to care for her full time has been extremely satisfying. Then why on earth am I whining? Because I am asked questions like- "do you intend to work?" For crying out loud; I didn't go through that grueling course just to throw it all away! Then there is the standard one- 'are you working'. I know it's not a rude question at all but with all my pent-up frustrations i just feel like saying "no, i sit at home and file my nails and then twiddle my thumb"! Oh, I do know all about not bothering about others and enriching the inner self and seeking solace from all the things we take for granted but I tell you it's just not working! So till such time that I join the race again, I will simply have to retire to my mouse-hole!

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