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Falwell Puts Foot in Mouth Again Melvin Durai Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer and humorist. Born in Tamil Nadu, India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. In 1995, while working as a reporter for a daily newspaper in Chambersburg, Pa., he began writing a regular humor column. His weekly column now appears in several newspapers and on a number of Web sites. He also writes a twice-monthly column on Indian and Indian-American issues. He is a diehard fan of the National Football League and also likes to run, lift weights and play soccer, tennis and pool. An award-winning feature writer and aspiring novelist, he plans to publish a collection of his best columns. You can write to him at comments@melvindurai.com To read his older columns, go to http://www.melvindurai.com

It came as no surprise to me that Jerry Falwell, the conservative Baptist minister, made some dumb statements recently, calling the Prophet Muhammad a "terrorist" and angering Muslims around the world. Falwell suffers from a chronic case of foot-in-mouth disease.

At least once a year, he shuts his brain off for routine maintenance, but forgets to shut his mouth. Whatever gibberish pours out enhances his reputation as America's biggest buffoon.

What surprised me was the reaction in India. Falwell's statements triggered protests from Muslims in Kashmir and Maharashtra, resulting in Hindu-Muslim rioting in Sholapur, 225 miles south of Mumbai. Five people lost their lives, forty-seven were injured and hundreds of others wasted their time and energy -- all because Falwell decided to prove that he's not just well-versed in Christianity, but also in stupidity.

Falwell's statements, though offensive, did not warrant such protests and violence. The ravings of a crazy man rarely do. Better to ignore him and allow the comedians to give him what he richly deserves: a lot of ridicule.

Perhaps the protesters did not realize that most Americans take Falwell's utterances as seriously as they take O.J. Simpson's pledge to find the real killer.

Over the years, Falwell has given people enough reason to not just scratch their heads in bewilderment, but also wonder what in heaven's name he's doing outside a mental institution.

In 1999, Falwell suggested that Tinky Winky, a purple, magic-bag toting character on the children's TV show "Teletubbies," was gay and setting a wrong example for kids. How did Falwell know this? Who knows, perhaps the preacher had a vision -- a vision of Tinky Winky inviting him for some hanky-panky.

Falwell's notion earned him sixth place on MAD Magazine's year-end review of "The Dumbest People, Events and Things of 1999." But he wasn't disappointed in the least. Far from it, he worked hard and earned the top ranking in 2001.

MAD crowned him the dumbest of the dumb for blaming the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks on abortionists, feminists, homosexuals and civil liberties groups -- almost everyone but Osama bin Laden. Appearing on fellow conservative Pat Robertson's TV show, Falwell asserted that God allowed the attacks to happen because America had become too secular. MAD's editors were soon congratulating Falwell for earning the top spot and redefining dumbness.

Falwell is apparently determined to retain his "dumbest" title this year, though he'll probably get stiff competition from Mike Tyson, Anna Nicole Smith, and the election board of Florida. Of course, with a couple of months left in 2002, Falwell has enough time to improve on his dumbness.

It should be noted that Falwell, responding to protests, apologized for his statements about Muhammed, just as he had apologized about his post-Sept. 11 running-of-the-mouth. I wonder if he has considered ordering a bulk supply of "Sorry I'm such a big idiot" stationery.

Officials from Muslim countries were gracious in accepting Falwell's apology. "It's good and fitting that he should apologize," an Egyptian official told Reuters. "But people should really think before they speak."

Think before speaking? Sounds like a good idea to me, but who's going to convince the reverend?

For an email subscription to Melvin's regular weekly columns (not the ones that appear here), go to www.MelvinDurai.com

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