Monday, October 2, 2000
"Between Friends"... A conversation
By- Ambika BhattAmbika Bhatt has completed her masters in English Literature from Indraprastha college. She sees life as a spiritual journey and believes in it and its undying beauty. No matter how much one learns it’s less. She likes to keep her poems simple-worded because she doesn’t believe in complexity of thoughts. "I want my thoughts to come out very clearly in my poetry without getting convoluted on the way."
|
 |
"Between Friends"... A conversation
Raina:
A strange sorrow holds on to me
With claws that pierce the epidermal layer
Of my soul.
I have run, I have hidden myself
These claws always find me
The blood on my wounds
Is always fresh.
Saher:
There has to be a way out for you Raina
I have a feeling you have never tried.
It’s a self-imposed prison house
Of fear that you carry around with you.
Let the fetters loosen up themselves
Let the pain slowly subside
Let it flow all over you
Once and for all
You clothe yourself
In a protective white light.
Nothing can enter it,
No, not even sorrow.
Raina:
I have tried very hard.
I have let the flames of joy
Become so intense
They almost burnt me
Singed the edges of my soul.
I have tried very hard
To find peace elsewhere
I have run to the mountains
The mountains that I love so much
I have searched for peace in sparkling streams,
In green meadows full of buttercups
In blue, cloudless skies
All I found
Was a pervading silence
A consistent unease in the tranquility
A kind of guilt, in the beauty that I saw around me.
I ran from there too.
I have tried Saher you can't say I have not.
Saher:
Yes
I have never delved too deep
Into the psyche of sorrow.
I have kept myself aloof Raina
I have protected myself from the smallest hurt
The most trivial pain.
I have feared emotion
I have feared deep emotion.
Ever since I was a child Raina
I stayed away. I dumped emotions like jettisons
I felt they were useless I had a peace inside
That I allowed no one to disturb.
Raina
That peace I was so proud of
That peace I was sure would last my whole life
Has left me.
I am left with a sense of inadequacy now.
Raina! Raina! I cannot feel!
I try so hard, to let down the guards
I cannot feel!!
I cannot feel Raina
I have envied you lately, do you know that?
I have envied you for the capacity you have to feel deeply.
I cannot. And today I wonder if I am even alive I feel dead inside.
Yes, I do. I never told you this. But I do.
Raina looked strangely at Saher. As if she did not believe what she had just heard. Saher could have no pain in life. Saher was almost invincible for her. She was the one whom nothing could touch. No man, no woman, no pain, no hurt. Saher was above all this. Saher was almost supra-human for her.
Raina and Saher were sitting on the sea beach. Watching the waves come and go. It was late evening. The sun had disappeared over the horizon. They got up to get back home. To their empty homes each lonely in her own way. Each wanting something that she missed. Only one did not know what it was she missed. Only one did not know what she wanted..? what was it she missed?
Saher:
What is it that I miss?
What is it to miss something?
I don’t know
I have never missed anything.
I have been so self-sufficient.
What is it that Raina misses?
And said aloud:
Raina
What is it to feel pain?
Tell me Raina, I want to know
How do you miss something
How do I miss something that I have never known?
You knew him I have known no one
Loved no one
What do I miss then?
Raina
What is it to miss something?
September 26, 2000, Gwalior.
Raj Shekar comments :
Ambika..
Just an 'echo' on the 'dark'...the missed bits particularly...:)
And
in the heart
welled the words
'unframed' yet
like the impressionists
enmeshed in its 'defocus'
and so many....maybe's
lay the ambience
of half answers
and half truths
expressing longing
a yearning clawing from the depths
to come to grips
to 'know' ...
not just one
or another
but an entire 'unknown'
beckoning in the shadows
a play of light and dark
schizoid
the warmth of feelings....high and low
and the sure coolness of distance.....
by 'choice'...both...are/were they?
Friends in their sharing
more 'depth' of sensitivity
in their milling diffentiated glances
for the inbetweens,
the greys
and tonal variants
of
the very colours
of life....
An understanding
together
missing so much less
if
Raina and Saher...were one....
 Start a discussion on this article
|
