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Gore Kiss May Propel Him To White House Melvin Durai Melvin Durai is a Pennsylvania-based writer and humorist. Born in Tamil Nadu, India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. In 1995, while working as a reporter for a daily newspaper in Chambersburg, Pa., he began writing a regular humor column. His weekly column now appears in several newspapers and on a number of Web sites. He also writes a twice-monthly column on Indian and Indian-American issues. He is a diehard fan of the National Football League and also likes to run, lift weights and play soccer, tennis and pool. An award-winning feature writer and aspiring novelist, he plans to publish a collection of his best columns. You can write to him at comments@melvindurai.com To read his older columns, go to http://www.humor.melvin.com

A couple of weeks have passed, but Al Gore is still enjoying the effects of The Kiss. All by itself, it seems to have transformed the vice president from a stiff, boring politician with as much charisma as a carrot to a passionate, exciting presidential candidate with more sex appeal than a Gucci model. It's amazing what a man can achieve merely by kissing his wife in public. I can't wait to find out what happens to me.

In this age of widespread infidelity, Gore could win the White House just by dispersing bumper stickers with this powerful message: "Vote for Al Gore: He kisses his wife." But that might set unattainable standards for many politicians.

Of course, the kiss that helped propel Gore past George W. Bush in some presidential polls was no ordinary smooch. It was a three-second lip-lock on national television, the kind that would steam up the set of any soap opera, the kind that, in a country like Afghanistan, would unoubtedly earn Gore the death penalty. A well-deserved stoning in the public square. The trial would go something like this:

Judge: "Al Gore, you are accused of touching your wife in an indecent manner, behaving like a Frenchman. How do you plead?"

Gore: "Not guilty. I was just trying to thank Tipper for her touching introduction at the Democratic convention. I merely pressed my lips against hers for a few seconds. We do it all the time at home. It's fun. You should try it sometime."

Judge: "This is not a good time to be handing out tips. You have committed a grave sin and must be stoned. If we allow physical contact between men and women in public, how do you expect us to get any work done?"

Gore: "Please don't stone me. What about Bill Clinton and his sordid affairs? If you stone me for kissing my wife passionately, how are you going to punish him?"

Judge: "We will make him kiss his wife passionately."

Gore: "That would never happen. He'd rather be stoned."

Gore's kiss has endeared him to many voters, but the reaction among fellow politicians has been mixed. Democrats love the kiss, Republicans are disgusted, and the Reform Party, as expected, is split.

One conservative even called it an X-rated kiss. Etiquette experts were aghast. "A normal couple wouldn't have done that," Letitia Baldridge told the Houston Chronicle. Well, we certainly wouldn't want to put a normal couple in the White House.

Some Republicans believe the kiss was staged, another trick to help Gore shed his wooden image. Perhaps they should ask Attorney General Janet Reno to investigate the kiss. I'm sure she can find incriminating documents, e-mails and videotapes. Perhaps even evidence of secret lessons in passionate kissing from Madeleine Albright.

By kissing his wife in public, Gore sent America a clear message: "If there's any hanky panky in the Oval Office when I'm president, it'll be between Tipper and me. The interns won't be involved. They will have to settle for watching."

If Gore is elected, we're likely to hear a lot more warnings on television: "The following State of the Union address is for mature audiences only. The president may get passionate with his wife. Parental discretion is advised."

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