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So Much Food, So Little Time Melvin Durai Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer and humorist. Born in Tamil Nadu, India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. In 1995, while working as a reporter for a daily newspaper in Chambersburg, Pa., he began writing a regular humor column. His weekly column now appears in several newspapers and on a number of Web sites. He also writes a twice-monthly column on Indian and Indian-American issues. He is a diehard fan of the National Football League and also likes to run, lift weights and play soccer, tennis and pool. An award-winning feature writer and aspiring novelist, he plans to publish a collection of his best columns. You can write to him at comments@melvindurai.com To read his older columns, go to http://www.melvindurai.com

Kerala is arguably India's most successful state, winning praise for its education, diversity, economy, and social programs. Keralites have distinguished themselves by setting high standards, not just for their state but also for themselves. As a result, P.T. Usha became a top runner, Arundhati Roy became a top writer, and a man named Rappai became a top eater.

If you haven't heard of Rappai, a 64-year-old who can eat hundreds of idlis at one sitting, blame it on the media. Indian newspapers haven't given the voracious eater much attention, partly because his achievements, though remarkable, have nothing to do with cricket. He would get a lot more publicity if he stopped eating idlis with his hands and instead had a friend bowl them directly into his mouth. Millions of people would show up to watch the "human wicket."

Rest assured, the idli bowling would last longer than a typical cricket match, for Rappai's stomach is the closest thing in India to the Grand Canyon. If nature had provided a few doors, it might have been quite a boon for Kerala's tourism industry.

Amazingly, Rappai did not discover his prodigious talent until age 20, though he began practicing at a very early age. His parents were poor and couldn't afford to feed their son from a trough. Even a bucket was beyond their means.

At 20, he found his calling when a hotel owner made the fateful decision of offering him an all-you-can-eat meal. According to one report, Rappai consumed three basins of rice, three buckets of meat, and one bucket of fish curry, before the worried owner summoned the police, keeping Rappai from finishing his appetizer. Better to have one dissatisfied customer than an empty stockroom.

Rappai, as you can guess, is one of the main reasons some Indian restaurants got rid of their buffets. Others changed their buffet policy from all-you-can-eat to no-more-than-100-servings.

Fortunately for Rappai, he was offered many other opportunities to eat like a horse. He participated in eating demonstrations and competitions at food festivals, earning enough prize money to support himself and arrange weddings for his three sisters. And believe it or not, he even left a little food for the other wedding guests.

He helped inaugurate food establishments by eating anything put in front of him. At one bakery, he devoured five kilos of halwa, 50 idlis, and 40 pieces of furniture. (The chairs were tastier than the tables). But that's nothing compared to the 750 idlis he consumed at a competition five years ago, an achievement that prompted observers to wonder whether a hunger strike by Rappai is the key to solving world starvation.

But the only strike Rappai is interested in is the one that cracks open a coconut.

He dreams of entering the Guinness Book of World Records, but believes he is too old for that. He is also reluctant to travel abroad, perhaps because he has heard about airline food.

Flight Attendant: "Captain, we have a major problem at the back."

Pilot: "What is it? A hijacking?"

Attendant: "Yes, a passenger has hijacked the food cart. He is demanding 400 idlis."

Pilot: "Idlis? I've never heard of that currency. Have you tried offering him dollars?"

Attendant: "Yes, I did. And he ate all my dough!"

For an email subscription to Melvin's regular weekly columns (not the ones that appear here), go to www.MelvinDurai.com

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