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Art of Flirting - Suman Chopra Suman Chopra, is well known to Sawf readers for her no nonsense moderate view. Wife of a senior Air Force Officer currently based in Moscow, Suman peroidically steals time from her family and social responsibilities to enrich the Sawf columns with her views.

Love thy neighborwas not a community living dictate of a Kibbutz, but slogan of a FLIRT (Forever Looking In Romantic Terms), who suffixed it with Leave before the spouse returns. Like every thing else, the gentle art of flirting started with Adam trying to snatch the Fig leave while wooing Eve, it got further refined with Lord Krishna's perpetual mischievous stealing of the clothes of the Gopis, and more recently whether it is the overactive macho 'My name is Bond' or that come hither tease Julia Roberts, the flirt is on the prowl. Flirting is like the Rum ball, looks temptingly cute, has a distinctive punch; one enjoys it through and through, but cannot be over indulged. It's like coffee; meant to stir but not shake.

Ancient Hindus had mastered the art of flirting. The ancient treatise 'Hindu view of life' dwelt at length on the need for eye-to-eye contact, the need for physical touch, judicious praise, intelligence and sense of humour, gallantry or bravado, magnanimity, some of the essentials for a good flirt. Modern day games of racquets, bats and balls, and computer-based gadgets, have greatly reduced physical contact. Who cannot remember the child hood games of yesteryears 'I spy', Kho-Kho, hopscotch and tag which had inbuilt elements of flirting in them. The festivals like Holi, the French traditional crushing of the wine grapes with feet, the Spanish carnivals, or more recently Brazilian, all have elements of flirting in them. There was this man who approached that stunningly pretty young woman in a party and said, Anytime you change your mind about that husband of yours, you know who to call. Then those famous one-liners of the so-called Ladies' men You look gorgeous, Where were you all these years or Want me to drive you home. Undoubtedly the gift of the gab is important, but flirting is not necessarily only the foreplay of words. There is also an element of body language; that wading of the hand through silken hair can signal Flirt me. The western designers are pushing frontiers of undress, this skin baring couture, and 'exposing cleavage' world cup, is an exercise in seduction, which also adds to the body language and could be a trumpet call for the flirt. That's it Baby, if you've got it, flaunt it. Good looks or vital statistics do help, but the art of flirting is mostly housed above the neck. You may not be beautiful but could be very attractive. As the young teenager Shaili says, You got to wear your attitude. In a recent college get-together she told a boy If you do not believe in love at first sight, can I pass by again. As some one said "Calendar is the biggest flirt of the world. He has a new date every day".

The final destination of flirt is not the bed; it is just some fun filled time, a fling in the limits of time and space. As the famous US writer Dorothy Parker laughingly said, One more toast and I'd be under the host. Ask a uniformed flirt 'Who hath not played footsie under the table at the ceremonial dinner?' A flirt is basically very sincere, light hearted, and with otherwise honorable intentions. British Clergy Man and wit Sydney Smith wrote, How can a bishop marry? How can he flirt? The most he can say is, I will see you in the vestry after service. Flirting tickles the senses and makes the recipient feel nice. Shakespeare in Twelfth Night says, Here comes the trout that must be caught with tickling. A Lecher can never be a flirt, similarly, too calculated an approach is an immediate give away. Flirting is not necessarily with an outsider. As Oscar Wilde wrote, The amount of women in London who flirt with their own husbands is perfectly scandalous, it's like washing one's clean linen in public.

Flirting should normally be exercised between known persons. In the South Asian cities flirting could actually be an act of Rowdyism indulged to prove once macho credentials among male counter parts. Many times even the societal divide is transgressed, when upper caste or rich youngsters try to forcibly flirt with those who are relatively unprotected and unable to resist or respond. It is invariably viewed very negatively and as a question of insult to personal honor. In orthodox societies punishment, for this misnomer called flirting, could be rather severe.

Even in the West flirting transgresses all levels of society. British in particular are known to have that sense of subtle humor required of the Flirt. Other regions too have had their share. Referring to women, Why have a hamburger out when you've got steak at home? That doesn't mean it is always tender, said Paul Newman jokingly. Light heartedness and ability to laugh at oneself are two very important traits of a flirt. The Swedish film actress Britt Ekland was very forthright in saying I say, I don't sleep with married men, but what I mean is that I don't sleep with happily married men. I must grant the last word to the British Heir apparent, Prince Charles, who said during the recent scandal, Do you seriously expect me to be the first Prince of Wales in history not to have a mistress?

Happy Flirting to SAWF readers.

Until we connect again....

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