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Lunar Trip Seems Like Lunacy Melvin Durai Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer and humorist. Born in Tamil Nadu, India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. In 1995, while working as a reporter for a daily newspaper in Chambersburg, Pa., he began writing a regular humor column. His weekly column now appears in several newspapers and on a number of Web sites. He also writes a twice-monthly column on Indian and Indian-American issues. He is a diehard fan of the National Football League and also likes to run, lift weights and play soccer, tennis and pool. An award-winning feature writer and aspiring novelist, he plans to publish a collection of his best columns. You can write to him at comments@melvindurai.com To read his older columns, go to http://www.melvindurai.com

Indian space scientists believe they can reach the moon by 2007, an achievement that would trigger the type of raucous celebration that greeted the 1998 nuclear tests. Millions of people would be in sheer ecstacy, especially if India gets to the moon before Pakistan.

Never mind that India's mission would trail America's by almost 40 years. Never mind that Russia and Japan have already had lunar missions. What matters is that India would be the first South Asian country to reach the moon and Pakistan would not.

Pakistan's President Musharraf, loath to play second fiddle, has undoubtedly given his astronauts a motivational speech: "If you get to the moon last, we'll get to you fast."

India's lunar probe would probably be unmanned -- and perhaps that's a good thing. Who knows what would happen if an Indian landed on the moon at the same time as a Pakistani?

Television announcer: "What a historic day this has been. In the morning, we had the first moon landing by India; in the afternoon, we had the first moon landing by Pakistan; and in the evening, we had the first moon assault."

An unmanned probe might prevent the moon's first crime, but it would also be a missed opportunity to reward a few people with a space trip. I can think of several Indians who deserve to be sent to the moon, including Narendra Modi and Jayalalitha. That way, even if the probe doesn't return to earth, the mission would be successful.

Though India's space program was formed only in 1972, it has boasted a series of remarkable achievements, earning kudos from around the world. A brief history:

1975: As Indira Gandhi cheers, India's first rocket, carrying three astronauts, travels from a launch pad outside Delhi into a nearby coconut tree. The astronauts return to earth after four days.

1987: Rajiv Gandhi watches proudly as India's second rocket, carrying five astronauts, reaches the top of a 10-story building. The astronauts are rewarded with apartments in the building.

1992: India launches its first satellite, enabling millions of people around the world to enjoy Bollywood movies. In Siberia and other frigid parts of Russia, Bollywood soon becomes more popular than firewood.

2000: An Indian man becomes the first astronaut to land on Venus, when he jumps on her at Wimbledon. Fortunately, the tennis champion is unhurt.

2001: An Indian woman almost reaches Pluto, but is thwarted by security officers at Disney World. Noticing a trend, the FBI sends a warning to all Americans who drive Saturns.

The next logical step for India's space program is a moon expedition. But the trip would cost about $82.5 million, raising questions about its worthiness, given India's widespread poverty. After all, the government could replace one trip to the moon with about 20 million trips to McDonald's.

Even better, the government could finance numerous educational projects to benefit children. Instead of people saying, "We went to the moon," they could say, "We went to school."

Now that's something to be proud of.

For an email subscription to Melvin's regular weekly columns (not the ones that appear here), go to www.MelvinDurai.com

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