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Cat Named India Should Please Us By- Melvin Durai Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer and humorist. Born in Tamil Nadu, India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. In 1995, while working as a reporter for a daily newspaper in Chambersburg, Pa., he began writing a regular humor column. His weekly column now appears in several newspapers and on a number of Web sites. He also writes a twice-monthly column on Indian and Indian-American issues. He is a diehard fan of the National Football League and also likes to run, lift weights and play soccer, tennis and pool. An award-winning feature writer and aspiring novelist, he plans to publish a collection of his best columns. You can write to him at comments@melvindurai.com To read his older columns, go to http://www.melvindurai.com

A couple of years ago, a loyal reader sent me a photo of one of her cats, saying she had named it after me. Melvin the cat was pictured in front of a computer, probably trying to figure out how to send email to the cute tabby next door.

I was honored and flattered to hear about my feline namesake. I had never had any animal named after me, not even a pig. (Though I've often been called a pig.)

So you can imagine my surprise when I read that some Indian groups had staged protests at the U.S. consulate in Mumbai and other places, incensed that George W. Bush's female cat is named India.

They apparently found it insulting that the name of our motherland could be heard around the White House in sentences such as these:

--- "India, stop licking the First Lady's feet. That's the president's job."

--- "If India doesn't stop fighting with the dog, we'll have to give the dog a new name: Pakistan!"

--- "Does anyone know where India is? The president has been looking for several hours, but can't find it on the map."

Some demonstrators, demanding that Bush change the cat's name, held a banner that said, "Mr. President, don't make mistake. Indians are 'lion,' not the 'cat.'" Others burned an effigy of Bush. None of them, fortunately, set themselves on fire.

No point in dying over the name of a cat, not even what's probably the most influential cat in the world. (No other cat gets to meet so many world leaders.)

The U.S. consulate's director of public affairs told Reuters that the First Cat is actually named "India Ink," because of its dark bluish-black color. The Bushes, showing a lack of respect, usually shorten the cat's name to "India," rather than the more honorable and politically correct "Ms. Ink."

Searching the Internet, I found a website that lists more than 6,000 cat names, including India Ink. Though many of the names are cute, some could definitely be found offensive: Egypt (offensive to Egyptians), Africa (offensive to Africans), Earth (offensive to earthlings), Meow Tse-Tung (offensive to the Chinese), Lady Di (offensive to the British), Fidel Catsro (offensive to the cat), Magellan (offensive to explorers), Eggplant (offensive to vegetarians), Ding A Ling (offensive to George Bush).

At least one of the names could even earn a death sentence for the cat's owner: Khomeini.

I was disappointed to find that the website did not list "Melvin" as a cat name. It's rather depressing to realize that you're not as worthy as an eggplant.

My Internet search also found a number of other cats named India. On one site, a cat owner writes, "I'll never love anyone like I love my cat India. She is named after a character on a soap opera." And who, I wonder, was the character named after? A cat?

It's worth noting that at least a few dozen American girls have been named India. According to the website Parentsoup.com, "India has been a popular girl's name in Great Britain since the Victorian era." That, of course, gives new meaning to the statement, "Lord William is off again to explore India."

Unlike those protesters, I'm proud that so many people like the name India. Let's face it: India's a beautiful name. You won't hear of people naming their daughters or cats Afghanistan, Madagascar or Kazakhstan.

But don't misunderstand me. I'd love to see George Bush change the name of his cat -- as long as he changes it to a great name like Melvin. To have the world's most influential cat carry my name would be such an honor.

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