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Bleating All The Way To Victory Melvin Durai Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer and humorist. Born in Tamil Nadu, India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. In 1995, while working as a reporter for a daily newspaper in Chambersburg, Pa., he began writing a regular humor column. His weekly column now appears in several newspapers and on a number of Web sites. He also writes a twice-monthly column on Indian and Indian-American issues. He is a diehard fan of the National Football League and also likes to run, lift weights and play soccer, tennis and pool. An award-winning feature writer and aspiring novelist, he plans to publish a collection of his best columns. You can write to him at comments@melvindurai.com To read his older columns, go to http://www.melvindurai.com Visit http://www.sawf.org/humour to read Melvin's past columns on SAWF.

The organizers of a new sporting event in Iowa need not worry: All the great sporting traditions in the world started small, with hardly any frills or fanfare. At the first World Cup, the soccer players didn't have uniforms and instead went "shirts" and "skins." Instead of pulling their shirts off to celebrate goals, some players had to put theirs on.

At the first Wimbledon, the tennis players were expected to not only bring their own balls, but fetch and hold them, too. The men's champion was from the circus. He had a decent backhand, but was known for his four hands.

And hard as it is to believe, at the first Masters tournament, the golfers had to carry their own clubs. No, not to hit the balls, but to fight off snakes and alligators.

So don't be surprised if the small town of Mystic, Iowa, population 588, is considered a major sports venue in a few decades, thanks to its exciting new event: goat racing. Started last year as part of the town's 4th of July celebration, the annual event, in which jockeys run behind their leashed goats, has already made a name for Mystic, impressing even the elite members of the goat community.

About 200 people watched this year's race, according to the Chicago Tribune. That may not seem like a large number, but when was the last time people gathered anywhere to watch goats?

Actually, goat racing is a major sport in the Caribbean, even more popular than crab racing and shell collecting. The village of Buccoo, Tobago, is widely recognized as the goat-racing capital of the world. (If you've never heard of Buccoo, you obviously don't subscribe to "Goat Digest.")

Goat racing is an 80-year tradition in Buccoo, drawing throngs of people every Easter Tuesday. Not only do the goats have their own stables and trainers, they even have endorsement deals. Most goats, you may be surprised to learn, prefer Pepsi over Coke. vThe fastest goats are thought of as "wonderful winners"; the rest are thought of as "wonderful dinners." Talk about motivation: If they seem to be in a hurry, they're trying to avoid the curry. (Now you know why it's called "Goat Digest." And why local journalists always seek a clarification when someone says, "I really enjoy the goat meet.")

If you're still skeptical about goat racing, consider this: It's a low-cost pastime for adults as well as kids -- the perfect sport for goats of all ages.

It's also worth considering that most sports evolve over time. In 50 years, the Mystic race may be known around the world as "The Running of the Goats." And thousands of crazy Spaniards will show up to run in front of the goats.

That would bring a much-needed influx of "tourist dollars" for local motels and restaurants, not to mention local hospitals.

Doctor: "After you've been to the ICU, you need to stop at the IBU."

Intern: "I know that ICU stands for Intensive Care Unit, but what does IBU stand for?"

Doctor: "Injured Butt Unit. We open it every year for the Running of the Goats. Hope you've brushed up on your Spanish."

For an email subscription to Melvin's regular weekly columns (not the ones that appear here), go to www.MelvinDurai.com

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