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Once, as part of my volunteer work for SafePlace, I was talking to students at a local high school about dating violence and date rape prevention. The teacher of that class was amazed that a woman from India, a country where women are generally perceived to be shy and submissive, would feel comfortable talking about such things in public. After the presentation, she asked me, with a mixture of hesitation and admiration, if it wasn't unusual for a woman coming from an Indian tradition to do so. I answered her with a "yes and no", saying that my culture is very diverse, with room for many kinds of people and attitudes. My American friends have often been puzzled by the apparent contradictions found in the position of women in Indian culture. The fact that South Asian countries have had female Prime Ministers contrasts with the fact that women in these countries often don't have a voice, aren't heard, or are in other ways oppressed. People here are impressed when I tell them that in my religion, revered deities that represent power, wisdom, and wealth have female images. And then I see the unasked question in their faces, "Then why the burning brides?"

Perhaps, contradictions exist in every tradition. I was shocked when I first discovered battered women in America in the 80's, when my son's baby-sitter, a very loving and caring white American, explained her black eye and later showed me a beautiful blouse her husband gave her to "make up for it". My illusion of the liberated modern American woman was shattered that day. It took a few more years for the illusion of the South Asian immigrant community as a model minority group (educated, affluent, and free of problems) to be shattered when I discovered domestic violence in this community as well. I could no longer sit in my comfortable corner eating my rice. I had to do something. The volunteer training and work on women's issues that followed gave me an opportunity to explore the link between women and traditions with more depth. Inquiry is an essential part of learning in the Vedic tradition that I call my own, even though "Don't ask too many questions" is what I heard often while growing up. More contradiction!

Once, when I was visiting India, I was introduced to an elderly gentleman, who was a neighbor of a relative. Often, people accompanying me feel compelled to mention my western connection during introductions probably because it is not obvious from my appearance or speech in my native language and they feel that it is worth mentioning. The stranger, unsolicited, advised me to keep the Indian tradition preserved in the western land. I resorted to silence suppressing an urge to politely ask which Indian tradition he had in mind. Of course the decision to do so was based on the Indian teaching of considering the appropriateness of place, time, and person in any action.

The word "tradition" flashes a plethora of images, some pleasing and some frightening, like in the Vishwa Roopa (cosmic view) of God described in the Bhagavat Geeta. But like the blind men of a folk tale who described an elephant as a fan, a tree trunk, a python, a rock, and a rope, we often have a narrow view of our tradition. Like the blind men, we fight over what our tradition is and who is untraditional. We fear losing our tradition or culture against the opposite influences of foreign cultures. With our narrow view, we fail to see the presence of opposing forces within our own traditions.

Often, our narrow view of protecting our culture is limited to restraining our women from being independent. This view was demonstrated by one gentleman who once visited an information booth I was attending at an Indian cultural event. Among other things, our booth contained a book called "You Can! A guide for the immigrant woman to live independently in the US." The book was developed by volunteers who saw a need for a guide to help women help themselves when the protected environment in which they are used to living suddenly changes because of migration, marriage, death of spouse, or divorce. The title of the book seemed to greatly disturb the gentleman. He lashed out, "Independent!", with disgust that would have been appropriate for some four-letter words, "These women, back home, they are nice. Bring them here, and they learn all bad things; they want to be independent!" The stress on the word "independent" was particularly noticeable. Obviously, to this man, 'nice' and 'independent' were mutually exclusive. Trying to vent his anger, I asked, "Really? What sorts of bad things do they learn?" "Bad things!" he answered, "smoking, drinking, and killing children!" The only smoking Indian women's images I could recall were in an Indian landscape, either in the high society or among the urban women laborers. Had the gentleman ventured lifting the cover page of the book to examine the contents, he might have noticed the differences in his view of an independent woman and those of the authors. But his unfounded fears did not allow this to happen. Fifty years after the independence of the country, fought by both men and women together, this man saw the word "independent" as untraditional, negative, and destructive when applied to women. Is this view an exception? Unfortunately not. Women's advocates often encounter in their work such attitudes to protect "tradition" and the destructive effects of these attitudes on women. Moreover, they see these attitudes in families from many different traditions.

Another fear that stands against women's freedom and equal rights is the fear of lack of their safety. Women's rights and women's safety are mutually exclusive, goes the argument. Therefore, women should give up some of their rights in order to be safe. They point to some of the practices in their tradition such as women living within the walls of their home, under the protection of the male members of their family-- father, brother, husband, and son. It is women's safety and well-being, they feel, which is at the root of such traditional family structure. At the same time, we find that women are not always safe in their own homes and the isolation is a roadblock to their safety. In some cases, the people who are supposed to protect them are the ones who hurt them.

Furthermore, tradition not only shows bondage for women, it also gives us glimpses of freedom and equality for women. In ancient Vedic tradition, we find examples of women's freedom to intellectual and spiritual pursuit in the gurukula with men. During Buddhist period, large numbers of women left their homes and became nuns. Some of them composed poetry with messages of freedom. This tradition continues through the middle ages where women bhakta poets like Avvaiyar, Andal, Akka Mahadevi, and Mirabai left the confines of their homes and did as they pleased without fear. These women have been given the place of saints in our tradition and their compositions are sung with love and devotion. This tradition of saying 'no' to the confines of home and to rebel continues in the modern history of women's participation in the independence movement and post independence women's movements in India such as the Chipko movement to save our forests, women's movements to protect men from alcoholism and women and children from men under the influence by rebeling against government policies regarding the sale of alcohol.

Often, I speak to my fellow domestic violence workers in Texas about the cultural context within which domestic abuse occurs in a South Asian family and about the obstacles a South Asian battered woman in the US faces to free herself. I talk about the joint family structure and hierarchy, arranged marriages, dowry, types of abuse, isolation, financial dependence, faiths and taboos, everything that entraps the South Asian battered woman. However, just as tradition can trap, it can also provide a way out. Many of the battered women I've worked with, who have taken the courageous steps to live independently a life free of abuse, have drawn strength from their own traditions. The various South Asian traditions offer women inspiration through the voices and actions of women of ancient times, women from mythology and history, and women of today. There have been and are, women scholars, women warriors, women saints, women poets, women in the freedom struggle, women in the environment movement, women in the anti-alcoholism movement, women activists, and like our grandmothers, apparently ordinary women with extraordinary strengths. I strongly believe that it is up to us to delve into the depths of our own traditions and find the things worth cherishing and the things worth questioning and changing. It is up to us to enrich our traditions as we come in contact with other cultures. My view of tradition is not static --- rather, it is, to me, like a river flowing through generations. It can take in both rich, nourishing soil and pollutants as it flows. It can change its course over time. What we accept from it, what we reject or change, is for us to choose! Even this I borrow from the teaching in my own tradition that says, "You have the choice to do, to not do, or to do differently."

Saheli is an all-volunteer non-profit support and advocacy organization for Asian families in Austin, Texas. Saheli's mission is to help victims and survivors of domestic violence to heal, and empower them to make choices for a life free of abuse. We spread awareness of various forms of oppression against women and children through community outreach and education. We form a bridge between the Asian community and local services to cross the culture gap. Saheli's vision is to work toward preventing abuse in family relationships, to break the cycle of violence and pursue a cycle of peace. For more information about Saheli, visit www.main.org/saheli
To contact us call (512) 703-8745
or send e-mail to: saheli@usa.net

Opinions expressed in this column are those of the authors alone.

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