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New President Faces Hair-Raising Questions Melvin Durai Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer and humorist. Born in Tamil Nadu, India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. In 1995, while working as a reporter for a daily newspaper in Chambersburg, Pa., he began writing a regular humor column. His weekly column now appears in several newspapers and on a number of Web sites. He also writes a twice-monthly column on Indian and Indian-American issues. He is a diehard fan of the National Football League and also likes to run, lift weights and play soccer, tennis and pool. An award-winning feature writer and aspiring novelist, he plans to publish a collection of his best columns. You can write to him at comments@melvindurai.com To read his older columns, go to http://www.melvindurai.com

Now that Abdul Kalam, the father of India's missile program, has been elected president, international observers are holding their collective breath, wondering if his new job will force him to do something drastic, such as cutting his hair.

Kalam's trademark shoulder-length hair has already drawn objections from a few politicians who voted in the presidential election. "Cut your hair," one wrote on the ballot. Another, noting that Kalam was running against Lakshmi Sahgal, said, "This is very good for feminism in India. One candidate is a woman and the other looks like one."

Kalam's detractors are concerned about the image he will portray to the world. What will other leaders think of a 71-year-old president -- an accomplished, award-winning scientist -- whose hair looks like it belongs on Britney Spears? Will they just see him as an eccentric genius like Albert Einstein? Or will they see him as another Indian experiment gone terribly wrong?

We may get some answers when President Bush makes his first state visit to India.

Bush: "Thank you for inviting me, Prime Minister Vajpayee. It's been such a learning experience. I never realized India had so many Indians. The streets are full of them. It reminds me of downtown New York. I do have a final question for you: Who is that long-haired man that keeps following me around, asking me questions about our nuclear missiles?"

Vajpayee: "You mean the one wearing a blue suit and matching flip-flops? That's our president."

Bush: "President? Ha ha. That's a good one. You Indians do have a fine sense of humor. Now stop pulling my leg and tell me who he really is."

Vajpayee: "I'm not kidding, Mr. Bush. That's our new president, Abdul Kalam."

Bush: "Really? Wait till I tell my bodyguards. They thought he was one of your chauffeurs. I told them that Indian chauffeurs are never that unkempt."

Vajpayee: "You'll have to excuse President Kalam. He's a bachelor. He doesn't have a wife to tell him how to dress."

Bush: "But you're a bachelor, too, aren't you? How do you manage to look so stylish?"

Vajpayee: "Stylish? Ha ha! That's why I nominated Dr. Kalam. Next to him, everyone looks stylish. Even my deputy, Mr. Advani, seems debonair. Don't be surprised if the two of us end up on the cover of GQ magazine!"

Kalam has told reporters that he has a haircut every four months, but they're more likely to believe that he moonlights as an exotic dancer.

Barber: "President Kalam, let me tell you what a pleasure it is to cut your hair. And what beautiful hair you have, sir! Just like Karisma Kapoor. You should be in the movies, especially if you can act."

Kalam: "Of course I can act. Why do you think I became a politician? But please don't get excited about cutting my hair. I am just pretending to get a haircut to satisfy the media and those rigid politicians."

Barber: "Don't worry about them, sir. They are just suffering from hair-envy. It is a common problem -- and not just among women. All these people wish they could express their individuality like you do. To be honest, even I wish I could have long hair, but ..."

Kalam: "Your customers would complain?'

Barber: "No, sir, not my customers. My wife."

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