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Your Safety, or Your Rights? Vijainder K. Thakur Vijainder is a former fighter pilot of the Indian Air Force, currently works as a software system architect in Austin. He lives in perpetual bewilderment and bliss! Bewilderment because he cannot fathom why people pay him to do what he loves to do, and could well do it for free! Bliss because he basks in the bountiful love of his wife and two beautiful daughters.

Can a woman's behavior be responsible for sexual violence and rape? The question started a raging debate on Sawf. As seems to be the tradition with all debates on Sawf, most posts represented well articulated, rational and original opinions. Since the topic concerned women, not unexpectedly, a lot of women came forward to express their opinion. By and large the consensus was that women are generally not responsible for any acts of sexual violence and rape. There were some discordant voices. One of a rabid male, about whom the most charitable opinion we could have is that he was a prankster. The other a female, well recognized and respected on Sawf.

Having closely followed the debate, which was dominated by women, I thought it would perhaps be interesting to voice a male perspective on the issue. The perspective of a father of teenage girls. The perspective of a husband of 21 years (good?) standing! Conscious of the fact that I would be writing on a women dominated site, of which incidentally I am a part, the challenge before me is to express an honest opinion. Some of my friends, who never tire of quizzing me as to what I am doing on a women's site, are perhaps inclined to say - Fools rush in, where angels fear to tread!

Logically we should start by first discussing what constitutes provocative behavior on the part of a woman. Unfortunately, if we did follow the dictates of logic we would probably remain mired in the subject till the end of the column. In some contexts baring an ankle could be construed as provocative, in others baring it all wouldn't! Without attempting a definition, let us just agree that there is something that can be termed as provocative behavior. If there wasn't, believe me life would be pretty dull! And that brings me to the point that I wish to make - Women have a right to be provocative. Women need to be provocative, at times. Just like flowers need to blossom and birds need to chirp. Provocative behavior on the part of a woman, besides being a delight for men, actually ensures the continuation of human species. Provocative behavior is not something that a woman can be faulted for, if the context and degree are right. Once again I will skip the issue of how much of it is right. Let us just say there is a right amount!

It is conceivable that a woman's provocative behavior can lead an immature, impetuous, or inebriated man into an act of indiscretion. Normally, such indiscretion would not go beyond a verbal or physical overture. If the male in question was less than civilized he could even end up outraging the modesty of the women. To go beyond that, to perpetrate rape, to force yourself on a woman against her will, her cries of deep anguish the male would have to be sick, deranged and perverted! Even animals don't rape, just as they don't kill each other in cold blood! I, therefore, firmly believe that a woman's behavior can never be the cause of rape, by a normal male. It can not even be a mitigating factor. Rape is heinous crime that can have no justification.

Having said the above I would like to come to a point that did not adequately weigh in on the debate - The fact that the sick and the deranged are part of our society. Not all of them overtly behave like thugs, perverts and potential rapists. If they did, women could more easily steer clear of them. Some of them behave like very ordinary human beings. Worst still, at times they masquerade as uncles, teachers, doctors..

Conduct and exposure by a woman, that does not conform to norms or is out of context, can attract such beasts that, like their brethren in the jungles, look for the weakest prey. A woman who does not conform to the norms is likely to be at odds with the society and this makes it easier for them to be preyed upon.

Coming back to the question - Can a woman's behavior be responsible for sexual violence? I am afraid the answer is yes! This is the message that most parents give to their daughters. This is the opinion that I would like to voice.

I commend all who stand up to say that women have the right to dress up and conduct themselves as they please, just as men do. They are right, of course! While what is right must prevail, it is good to remember that what is right generally coexists with what is wrong. The human mind and spirit are indomitable, the flesh is not! Under the circumstances, I think it is more important to strive for your safety than to strive for your rights.

While our laws define what is right or wrong, our customs and traditions often serve as an additional buffer against the fringe elements within our society. I think it is important to follow the customs and traditions. Over a time they need to change, and change them we must - in a manner that is evolutionary not revolutionary. Rebelling against them threatens good order and invites chaos.

Finally, here is some food for thought! You can only be 'dressed' provocatively - there is no such thing as being undressed provocatively.

Until we connect again....

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