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Customer Service Is A Rare Commodity By- Melvin Durai Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer and humorist. Born in Tamil Nadu, India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. In 1995, while working as a reporter for a daily newspaper in Chambersburg, Pa., he began writing a regular humor column. His weekly column now appears in several newspapers and on a number of Web sites. He also writes a twice-monthly column on Indian and Indian-American issues. He is a diehard fan of the National Football League and also likes to run, lift weights and play soccer, tennis and pool. An award-winning feature writer and aspiring novelist, he plans to publish a collection of his best columns. You can write to him at comments@melvindurai.com To read his older columns, go to http://www.melvindurai.com

We Indians are good at a lot of things, but customer service does not appear to be one of them.

Just go to the Indian embassy and you'll see what I mean. Not only will you return home with a lot more gray hair, you may need to visit a psychiatrist. At a minimum, you'll feel like putting your head in a bucket of ice. And leaving it there for several weeks, until it stops spinning.

The embassy, in its defense, has no incentive to provide good service, at least not to Indian citizens. It has no competition. Where else are you going to renew your Indian passport? At the Pakistani embassy?

But even Indian businesses that face stiff competition seem to overlook the importance of good service. I was reminded of this just the other day when my mother and I visited an Indian store in Delaware. The male cashier hardly said anything to us. No "Hello," no "Goodbye," no "Thank you for shopping here, hope you enjoyed our total lack of service."

I felt like writing a letter to the store owner:

"Dear Sir/Madam,

Since you own a store, I assume you're interested in pleasing your customers. It seems like a safe assumption, but, who knows, maybe you opened your store to fulfill your strong desire to annoy people. If that's the case, you're doing a good job. You're well on your way to achieving your goals.

But just in case you want to please people, I'd like to draw your attention to a new concept in business. It's called "customer service." Many top companies have adopted this concept, some as far back as 1792. But you obviously haven't yet heard of this revolutionary concept. That's understandable, because you've been too busy stocking your shelves with 54 varieties of mango pickle. Yes, I know: Your competition has only 53. Shame on them.

To help you learn about customer service, I've decided to give you four important tips:

1. The customer is always right. Yes, especially if the customer is my wife. Trust me, my wife is NEVER wrong. Just ask her. If my wife tells you that the lassi she just bought from your store is bad, you'd better believe her. Even if you don't believe her, it's a lot safer to just nod your head and pretend you do. Trust me, I know.

2. The customer likes to be greeted. By "greeted," I don't mean that you should nod your head or raise your eyebrows or flare your nostrils. By "greeted," I mean that you should open your mouth and say something friendly such as "Hi" or "Hello" or "Namaste." In special circumstances, such as when a customer buys your entire stock of mango pickle, you may even give the customer a big hug. But please, no kissing.

3. The customer needs help now and then. If you see a customer walking around in circles, don't assume that he or she is trying to get some exercise. Please try to offer your assistance, even if you're busy watching the latest Bollywood movie on that small television beside the counter. The VCR has a pause button. Try to use it. Don't worry, Madhuri Dixit will wait for you. I promise.

4. When the customer leaves your store, try not to be too upset. Say something pleasant such as "Goodbye" or "Please come back" or "Thank you for buying all the mango pickle. I love you."

If you and your employees follow these tips, customers will be eager to return to your store. Who knows, they may even recommend your store to their friends. It's a great formula for success. If you don't believe me, just ask my wife.

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