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My Nikkah or legal Islamic marriage took place on the 28th of December, 1997, in Pakistan. As is tradition, the men and women on both sides of the family gathered in my grandparents' living room to witness the event. Excitement was in the air. After all, my parents, my sister, my husband-to-be and I had flown all the way from our homes in the U.S. to share this event with our extended family in Lahore.

On the morning of the nikkah my father and the maulvi, the man who was to perform the religious ceremony, sat between my husband and I. My sister was directly to my right and next to her my mother. The rest of the party consisted of aunts, uncles, cousins and close friends. We all quieted down for the maulvi to begin the ceremony. After answering a few questions we signed the wedding papers. Then my husband and I were each instructed to pick three official witnesses to sign the document. I scanned the faces that surrounded me and picked my grandfather, my cousin Ali and my sister Naureen.

But the maulvi objected to my third choice: according to him, my sister Naureen, being female, was ineligible to sign the document. I protested, but both the men and women of my family advised me not to make a fuss. It's no big deal, someone said. Under pressure, with a circle of more than twenty faces in accord with the maulvi, I gave in.

The Qu'ran recognizes a woman as a sound witness, but the conservative interpretation of the maulvi excluded my sister because she is female. Was it even important, I wondered, for the women to be present if not one could be deemed an official witness? The weight of this single incident in my memory is small, but its implications are enormous apropos the legal visibility of women.

Saheli is an all-volunteer non-profit support and advocacy organization for Asian families in Austin, Texas. Saheli's mission is to help victims and survivors of domestic violence to heal, and empower them to make choices for a life free of abuse. We spread awareness of various forms of oppression against women and children through community outreach and education. We form a bridge between the Asian community and local services to cross the culture gap. Saheli's vision is to work toward preventing abuse in family relationships, to break the cycle of violence and pursue a cycle of peace. For more information about Saheli, visit www.main.org/saheli
To contact us call (512) 703-8745
or send e-mail to: saheli@usa.net

Opinions expressed in this column are those of the authors alone.

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