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Mother- Part II Padmini Natarajan I grew up in Madras, Hyderabad and Bombay. Being a sickly child, books were my constant companions. I had an arranged marriage, two kids and am celebrating my fiftieth, my husband's sixtieth birthdays and our 28th Anniversary this year. Over the years I have developed a great interest in drama and act in serious roles though comedy is my forte. Along with scripting skits I write poetry, fiction, first person encounters. I was encouraged, even goaded, to write, by my husband who is my editor and critic. Tend to be verbose and get on to a soap box easily. Have been part of an all womens drama group and don both male and female roles. I am member of an International Women's Association and volunteer with a suicide prevention group. I have lived in Mauritius for ten years and have been a globe trotter.

All scriptures and religions give a position of primacy to the mother. 'Mother, father, teacher then God is the hierarchy defined for an individual's obeisance. Creation is depicted as a mother. Nature is referred to as `Mother Nature'. Mother earth, motherland, even rivers are identified as a mother. A mother is the source of life, she nurtures and protects her child in her womb from conception, and brings a human being out into the world after a painful and traumatic 'labour process'. The patience that is needed to fulfil this natural act therefore becomes the embodiment of motherhood.

Women, whether rich or poor, were primarily the source of warmth, food, comfort and by association the one source of unconditional love. In patriarchal societies, women were secondary sources of authority. Their control in the family was strong though not overt but subtle and behind the scenes. They exhibited multiple skills of a homemaker, administrator and organiser.

The traditional mother was strictly cast in the role of a person confined to the four walls of a home, and tending to the family. Her world did not extend beyond the village. The first daughter-in-law was the head of the family after the matriarch and took the latter's place automatically. "Ma-ji" was a name given to the eldest woman in charge of the house. Others were called by the relationship nomenclature. Most women worked hard and many lost their lives in childbirth or tuberculosis and other diseases due to malnutrition. These women generated a subsidiary income by using the sources under their control like selling milk, hay etc. in the rural milieu. This money was either stashed away for emergencies or used to make jewelry and start the collection of a trousseau for the daughters of the family. It was the mother's duty to maintain the traditions and unfailingly perform the rituals and religious festivals of the family to preserve and pass on the cultural heritage.

Migration to cities changed the role of the mother in the family. The archetypal mother was depicted as slaving away at the sewing machine, or cleaning vessels and houses for the rich. Other types like the teacher in a primary school, a typist, clerk or receptionist in an office, the flower seller, vegetable vendor etc who worked hard to feed and educate their children soon appeared in the urban environment. Many of them were single mothers or married to abusive men desperately seeking to protect their children.

This type of mother has been portrayed repeatedly in Indian movies. The automatic choice of actresses like Nirupa Roy, Sulochana, Durga Khote and in recent times Waheeda Rehman, Rakhee, Sowcar Janaki, Pandaribhai etc has established a stereotype "MAA". Of course, Nargis became the icon of a mother who goes through hell without compromising herself to bring up her sons in "Mother India". She did not hesitate to gun down her rebel son when he proved to be a menace to society.

The mother known to the Asian mind is categorised as two types. The self-sacrificing, worn out, tired, over worked drudge whose world is centered round her children. This mother forgoes a lot, even food for the sake of her children. When she needs care and comfort in her old age, she is ill treated by her grown up children and is rejected and traumatised by the family. The other type of mother is shown to be the extremely ambitious, domineering, extravagant, reckless character who instigates her children to bad behaviour, profligacy and leads them to ruin. Rarely do you find a mother who has abandoned or neglected her child. In such cases it is by a quirk of fate, a trick by the family or due to social demands and fear of calumny that makes her abandon a child. Kunti and Karna in the Mahabaratham are the typical examples of this variety.

The real mother figure in society is somewhere between the two. A modern mother is not only a homemaker but also a wage earner in many homes today. She manages to blend the old and the new, the outside world and the traditional family environment and maintain multiple roles in both her and her husband's family structure. The nuclear family however is putting a great deal of pressure on the mother with no 'Ma-ji' to share or take on the responsibilities of the family life.

One strange fact about mothers, especially the Asian woman must be noted. She tends to support the weaker child, either economically or emotionally. This seeming partiality, even exploiting one child to support another, is often mistaken. Her heart tends to restore the balance between her various offspring.

Again, a mother, longs for the child who is physically, even emotionally distanced from her. So the 'ma' in India will think and pine for the child who is in 'foreign lands.' The food she cooks and eats, the things she buys, remind her constantly about the child who is far away. When she meets that child, she tends to cling and want all the attention for herself. The child finds this attention oppressive and suffocating without realising that the clock is ticking for the mother for she will again be parted from her child.

Another feature of motherdom is the mis-calling of a child. It is not that she is unaware of the child's name. She only tends to call all the names of absent children before she comes to the correct name of the person she is actually addressing. This can be very annoying to a child. It takes them time or their own experiences as a mother to understand this phenomenon.

A mother becomes a mother-in-law. Her role changes, so do her attitudes, expectations and demands. Her tolerance and her patience are greatly reduced when she dons this role. We shall look into this aspect of a woman, next time.