One of your parents, probably your mother, will threaten to commit
suicide. "I would rather die than see my child bring shame upon my family,"
she will say, with no shame whatsoever.
Whomever you choose to marry, if your spouse is unfamiliar with Indian
culture, you may encounter a few uncomfortable situations. For example:
---If you're a man who likes to wear a dhoti at home, don't be surprised if
your new wife accuses you of cross-dressing. And if she doesn't do that, she
may laugh and say, "What happened? Did you run out of clothes again? Why are
you wearing our bed sheet?"
---When you're eating rice with your hands, your spouse may hand you a fork
and say, "Here's a new invention you may find useful." And you'll have to
act confused and reply, "I saw that thing in the kitchen drawer, but I
couldn't find the instruction manual. Which end am I supposed to hold?"
---When you add too much chili powder to the chicken curry, you may find
yourself in court, accused of spousal abuse. "Oh my God! Were you trying to
kill me?" your spouse may yell. "Or were you just trying to make sure the
chicken was dead?"
---When you hang Bollywood movie posters in your bedroom, your spouse may
look puzzled and ask, "Who in heaven's name is Hrithik?" And you'll have to
say, "He's my ex-boyfriend. I dumped him because he wouldn't stop flexing
his biceps. It was really embarrassing, especially when we went to the
temple."
---When you buy a bag of guavas from an Indian store, your spouse may ask,
"Are these edible? I've never seen them before." And you'll have to say,
"Stay away from those! They're poisonous. Only real Indians can eat them."
---When you make gulab jamuns or other Indian sweets, your spouse may take a
bite and say sarcastically, "Are you sure you've added enough sugar?" And
you'll have to say, "Yes, I made them for all my diabetic friends, in case
they want to commit suicide."
But even if you marry someone from India, you'll probably encounter a few
"situations." For example:
---If you're paying $20 to fill your car with gas, your spouse may scream,
"What's wrong with you? You have just wasted 1,000 rupees. Why can't you
just take the bus?"
---When you're watching American football, your spouse may say, "All those
men are wearing helmets. Are they motorcyclists?" And you'll have to say,
"Yes, of course they are. They parked their motorcycles outside the stadium.
The government created this game to help them vent their frustration over
not being able to afford cars."
---When your dirty clothes start piling up, your spouse may say, "We're
running out of clean clothes. When's the dhobi coming?" And you'll have to
say, "I forgot to tell you this: YOU are the dhobi. Remind me to give you
directions to the river."
Whomever you decide to marry, don't say I didn't warn you.
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