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Gandhi Still Leads The Way! Melvin Durai Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer and humorist. Born in Tamil Nadu, India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. In 1995, while working as a reporter for a daily newspaper in Chambersburg, Pa., he began writing a regular humor column. His weekly column now appears in several newspapers and on a number of Web sites. He also writes a twice-monthly column on Indian and Indian-American issues. He is a diehard fan of the National Football League and also likes to run, lift weights and play soccer, tennis and pool. An award-winning feature writer and aspiring novelist, he plans to publish a collection of his best columns. You can write to him at comments@melvindurai.com To read his older columns, go to http://www.melvindurai.com Visit http://www.sawf.org/humour to read Melvin's past columns on SAWF.

In the excellent PBS documentary "The New Americans," an Indian computer programmer named Anjan Bacchu seems to be enjoying the benefits of a higher salary in America, taking his wife on a shopping spree and stepping into a more materialistic lifestyle. But while other shoppers are asking themselves questions such as "Is this laptop light enough?" and "Does this dress make me look fat?" Bacchu is troubled by an even weightier question: What would Gandhi do?

The question is similar to what many Christians ask themselves -- What would Jesus do? -- as well as what many British people ask themselves -- What would Beckham do? I couldn't help sympathizing with Bacchu, imagining his doubts about every purchase: Would Gandhi drive a Toyota or a Cadillac? Would Gandhi watch movies on a DVD player or a VCR? Would Gandhi wear boxers or briefs? (Gandhi was a lawyer -- he probably preferred briefs.)

It isn't easy living up to the ideals of Mahatma Gandhi, a man renowned for pacifism and self-sacrifice, but people like Bacchu are giving it their best shot, even in America. They'll probably never go on a fast, but they'll at least try fast food. They'll probably never use a spinning wheel, but they'll at least try to spin their wheels. They'll probably never attempt celibacy, but they'll at least try celery.

Yes, it's hard to even come close to some icons. But thankfully, there are a few areas of life in which emulating Gandhi may be simple, as the African National Congress, South Africa's ruling party, wants people to realize. Hoping to win the general election, the ANC has distributed posters carrying a picture of the Mahatma and the all-important question: "Who would Gandhi have voted for?"

It's probably not a question many South Africans have contemplated, but Gandhi's granddaughter Ela Gandhi is confident that the Mahatma, who spent more than two decades in South Africa, would have supported the ANC, seeking the best interests of the poor. That may be true, but it seems unfair to other parties that the ANC has managed such a coup -- getting an endorsement from the dead. Shouldn't they at least be required to organize a séance?

I mean, what's to stop the Democratic Party from enlisting Gandhi's help in disparaging President Bush, posing questions such as "How many millionaires would Gandhi have helped?" and "Which country would Gandhi have invaded?"

Before long, Gandhi would be appearing on millions of signs and posters, lending his support to all sorts of causes. At an animal activists rally: "What would Gandhi eat?" At a marriage counselor's office: "Who would Gandhi divorce?" At a Las Vegas casino: "How much would Gandhi bet?" At a boxing arena: "Who would Gandhi knock out?" At a telemarketers convention: "Whose dinner would Gandhi disturb?"

Various advertisers would doubtless get in the act. SouthWest Airlines: "How would Gandhi fly?" MasterCard: "How would Gandhi buy?" Crisco oil: "How would Gandhi fry?"

Kroger: "Where would Gandhi get his food?" Wal-Mart: "Where would Gandhi get his clothes?" ESPN: "Where would Gandhi get his scores?"

It's a good thing Gandhi was cremated, or else he'd surely be rolling in his grave.

For an email subscription to Melvin's regular weekly columns (not the ones that appear here), go to www.MelvinDurai.com

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