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Putting The Diversity Back in Africa Melvin Durai Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer and humorist. Born in Tamil Nadu, India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. In 1995, while working as a reporter for a daily newspaper in Chambersburg, Pa., he began writing a regular humor column. His weekly column now appears in several newspapers and on a number of Web sites. He also writes a twice-monthly column on Indian and Indian-American issues. He is a diehard fan of the National Football League and also likes to run, lift weights and play soccer, tennis and pool. An award-winning feature writer and aspiring novelist, he plans to publish a collection of his best columns. You can write to him at comments@melvindurai.com To read his older columns, go to http://www.melvindurai.com Visit http://www.sawf.org/humour to read Melvin's past columns on SAWF.

One of my pet peeves, living in America, is the overuse of the word "Africa." Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against the continent. After all, I grew up in Zambia, which promotes itself as the "real Africa." (Trust me, it's more beautiful than that fake stuff up North.)

What bothers me is when people use the word "Africa" as though it's a single country, as though all 55 nations have come together to form the United States of Africa. (That would be quite a miracle, especially since you can't even get parts of Rwanda to come together.) It doesn't help that President Bush once made a reference to the "nation of Africa." That was a slip of the tongue, of course. He meant to say "Republic of Africa."

Unfortunately, many Americans know even less about Africa than the president -- and some of them call themselves African-Americans. Ask them to name some African countries and they'll come up with perhaps five or six, then give you a look of astonishment when you tell them that Timbuktu doesn't count.

They know Egypt: it's the home of pyramids and mummies. They know South Africa: it's the home of Nelson Mandela and Charlize Theron. And they know Libya: it's the home of those three longtime dictators: Gadhafi, Kadhafi and Qadhafi.

Africa is such a diverse continent, but few of its nations make the news in America, even if they've done something commendable, such as elected a new leader, made progress in the fight against AIDS, or sent an athlete to the Winter Olympics. Africa gets barely a mention on ABC's "World News Tonight," which may soon be renamed "American and Israeli News Tonight."

That explains why I keep having conversations like this:

Politician: "You want to talk about Africa? Great! I love Africa. My wife grew up there."

Me: "Really? Which country?"

Politician: "Uh ... I'm not sure. I think it's one of those 'Z' countries. Zimbabia? Zambibwe?"

Me: "Do you mean Zambia? Or Zimbabwe?"

Politician: "I'm not sure. Zambia sounds familiar. It definitely has a 'zam' in it."

Me: "Could it be Mozambique?"

Politician: "Yes, that's it! Mozambique! Boy, I'd better write that down -- it might impress the voters."

Me: "It certainly impresses me, Senator Kerry! Remember: You want to beat Bush, not beat around it."

To help everyone learn a little more about Africa, I've developed a short quiz:

---Which of these is NOT an African country? (a) Guinea; (b) Guinea-Bissau; (c) Equatorial Guinea; or (d) Guinea-Pig

---What is the chief product of Nigeria? (a) Oil; (b) Gold; (c) Coal; or (d) Spam.

---If you can find Ken in Kenya, Wanda in Rwanda, and Dan in Sudan, where can you find Chad? (a) Chadzania; (b) Equatorial Chad; (c) Northern Africa; or (d) Florida.

---Who is the leader of Zimbabwe? (a) Kofi Annan; (b) Robert Mugabe; (c) Shaka Zulu; or (d) Al Sharpton.

---How did Ivory Coast get its name? (a) It produces the popular "Ivory" and "Coast" brands of soap; (b) Elephant tusks were exported from there; (c) Most of the world's piano keys are made there; or (d) It was named after renowned actor Keenan Ivory Wayans.

---What happened to the $15 billion President Bush pledged to fight AIDS in Africa? (a) The White House dog ate it; (b) David Blaine made it disappear; (c) U.S. troops are searching for it in Iraq; or (d) The Bushmen have it.

For an email subscription to Melvin's regular weekly columns (not the ones that appear here), go to www.MelvinDurai.com

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