Monday, March 20, 2000
From making the Batter to making the Dough
- Sandhya Acharya Sandhya, 21, lives in Thane, a suburb of Mumbai. She works with Siemens at Worli, which happens to be a long way from her home. The grind of a 6 hours daily commute to and from work do not deter her from finding time to pursue her other interests - reading, writing and music. She has studied German and is quite conversant with the language. She explains her view of life with - "My friends call me Dream Girl, not because I look like one (As you can see I am hardly a looker), but because I dream a lot. I believe that dreams sustain your today and build your tomorrow." As is evident, besides being talented Sandhya is also modest!
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This happened recently. I was returning home from work at 9.30 in the night and I had to travel a good 1.5 hours to get home. I would have to hire a cab to get to the nearest railway station. I managed to get a cab and midway there was this vehicle that leveled against mine. It was one of those lavish "small cars" and there were 4 seemingly men of good upbringing seated inside. Suddenly the driver turned at me and said something like "hello madam". This was followed by a long session of leering and making passes. I was indignant at first. This couldn't be happening!! They didn't fit into the usual lecherous looking elements you usually find lounging at the side of streets. They seemed like people who worked with big corporate names and were obviously returning home after work. Anyway the taxi driver took up the fight for me and hurled some abuses back at them until we lost them. It was a disturbing experience but let me tell you it was not my worst one. I have had worse harrowing experiences and I am sure every woman today can recount at least a hundred such humiliating experiences.
It is a common thing to be jeered at on the streets. Wear something a little non-conformist and you have to be ready to hear at least a dozen licentious comments. It is common to travel in a ladies compartment in Bombay and have the entire section of the gents compartment leer at you in lust and behave in a manner befitting animals. So many times are you caught unawares nudged by a stranger as you walk mindlessly -mind you - on a crowded street. It is beyond me as to how people can derive pleasure out of such base actions.
These are some of the hazards that a woman has to face in her everyday life. These describe just some of the ugliness of our society. There are times when you feel so depressed and disgusted that it becomes difficult to believe that you live in a so called "civilised" society when you are deprived of a basic humane treatment and your quota of respect.
A war against strangers is fine because you know your enemies and you can hate them. But what can you do when your own near and dear ones are your enemies and the war is at home? It becomes worse when you are not the fighter but the victim. Not all women have the opportunities and acceptance that an upper class or middle-class society would take for granted. I am talking of female infanticide and Sati and prostitution dowry and bride burning and the purdah. No I am not talking about the 17th or 18th centuries I am talking of the present 21st centuries and you don't have to turn the pages of history to read about the atrocities against women: you have to just casually flip through your daily newspaper. Woman raped and murdered by unknown assailants, husband kills wife for dowry, woman burnt in tandoor, prostitution in woman's remand home, woman thrown out of train by stranger-crippled for life. And then there are hundred of stories that are not written about in the newspapers because it is not dramatic enough but equally traumatizing. Women who are married for money or for their salary slips. Women who after a grueling day at office receive no cooperation or understanding from their husbands. Women who are tortured everyday by their conscience for the "sins" of being ambitious and neglecting their family and duties.
I am not trying to cry myself hoarse about the various atrocities nor am I a man hater. This is simply the present day of affairs. Of course problems are not unique to woman alone. It is just that our societal norms are changing so drastically there is going to be a complete upheaval of values, culture and attitudes. No change is smooth and without hassles. When there are role-plays that are redefined and the accepted challenged there is bound to be resistance. It is a bloody war and there is bound to be bloodshed. Let us not make the mistake of thinking it is a war of the women against the men. It is a war of a new thinking and living against the old. It is a war of both men and women against their cast roles of the past. It is of no use trying to find which culture treated woman how much badly and recounting bitter incidents of history. It is of no use trying to prove who is better at which job and trying to argue if women should take up hazardous jobs or whether men should cry. I am sorry sex is no parameter of defining better managers.
It is no use spewing hatred for any set of people or beliefs because it only worsens the situation. Hatred is the wrong weapon to use in such a war. There is bound to be change. There is bound to be resistance. There is bound to be struggle. And all this is bound to take time. I am waiting for the day when this becomes a non-issue and no longer a thing to be written about. Till then we shall continue vociferating about our everyday tribulations and I shall gleefully watch martial arts movies where the nimble lady beats up a dozen men each twice her size. And when I see my dad singing and washing clothes and cooking dosas and dal in the kitchen I am heartened that there is hope.
Till we Connect again next week...
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