Monday, March 18 2002
Would You Tell?
- By- Khurshid Khoree"NOW at 53, when I look back at my life and its varied roles, starting from a student to a working girl, a wife to a mother, a seamstress to an entrepreneur, a writer, a counselor/psychotherapist to being a better human being, crisscrossed with invaluable lessons.
All the learning's and experiences I picked up as I moved on from one stage to another has left me with a feeling of warmth and satisfaction. And the road to success was possible with all its pitfalls and achievements only due to an abundant storage of positive energy and creativity laced with humor, which helped me to move on through the journey of my life so far.
What I strongly believe in: live one day at a time; make the best use of an opportunity; believe in yourself, be honest and sincere, and give your best to the job in hand."
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The loss of a friend is like that of a limb; time may heal the anguish of the wound, but the loss cannot be repaired.
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| -- Southey. |
THE significance of the word "Friend' or 'Friendship' cannot be flippantly described, because friendship is such a beautiful relationship between two people that it surpasses many other relationships in view of trust, bonding, togetherness, sharing, openness and understanding.
I believe that a good friend will never want to tell the other, things that could hurt, inflict tremendous pain or even break-up a marriage. But many believe that being frank and open is a sign of a true friend.
I leave it you to judge, after reading the incident I am about to narrate:
Diana and Sheetal's friendship began during their first year in college. Though they were poles apart in thought, behavior and culture, there friendship matured over the years through teenage to adulthood, followed by marriage and then separate lives.
Sheetal was the first one to get married to Arjun an architect, and Diana who was a graphic designer married her colleague Rohit. But Diana was the first one to move across the seven seas and many summers's later Sheetal followed. To keep the bonds of friendship intact the families went on vacations twice a year, and when an opportunity came they bought houses next to each other.
Sheetal believed that nothing could ever come between her and Diana's friendship as they matured with the passing years. The first time Rohit made a sexual pass at Sheetal she did not give it a second thought; she passed it off as a drunken proposition. The second time, on a pretext of reaching out for his drink, he kissed her on her back. The third time she ran away from him before he could make the move. But the fourth time she was not that lucky.
It was hot and the swimming pool they shared was very inviting. Sheetal quickly got into the cool water before her children came home. She was enjoying her swim when she was grabbed from behind. Startled, she tried to get herself free from his grasp. Turning she lashed out hitting Rohit hard across his face. Kicking and splashing she fought her way out of the pool, almost losing the top of her bathing suit.
She ran, on trembling legs, her heart racing fast towards her house. Fearing she would faint before she could reach her front door. So far, Sheetal had overlooked his advances, but this episode was the final straw. She could not ignore the happenings anymore. Her best friend had to be told.
Later that evening when Diana questioned him how he got the welt across his face starting from his forehead, he gave the excuse of being involved in a fist fight at the bar he frequented.
Sheetal decided to talk to Diana as soon as possible. But when the opportunities came by she couldn't find the courage to do it. For every time they met Diana looked so unhappy that she did not have the heart to add on to her problems.
One day, Diana came to Sheetal's house sobbing and talking incoherently. Rohit had tried to kill himself that morning because he couldn't face the degenerating illness he was diagnosed with. She had found him just in time before the pills and liquor could do their damage. And he had also, confessed to her about the numerous one night stand he had been involved. But something had kept him from revealing to his wife about his misbehavior towards her best friend.
Sheetal had been under the impression that there were no secrets between them. But here her best friend's life was in shambles and she had not known.
In the end, it all turned out to be good for her friend. Rohit is no longer trying to drown his anger and fear in liquor or feed his deflated ego with sexual conquests, and with proper treatment and medication his illness is under control. With Sheetal's support and help they went for therapy facing the situation together. Sheetal was glad that she did not tell her friend about her husband, sparing her the hurt and pain.
But, did it help Sheetal by being this very good understanding friend? She did feel good about sparing her friend the pain and hurt, but found it difficult to maintain the relationship like before. Unable to cope with the stress, and the secret she had kept locked within her, she ultimately needed therapy herself to get her life back to normal once again.
If you were faced with a similar situation, what would you have done? How would you react? Would you tell?
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