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Corruption Doesn't Stop At The Border Melvin Durai Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer and humorist. Born in Tamil Nadu, India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. In 1995, while working as a reporter for a daily newspaper in Chambersburg, Pa., he began writing a regular humor column. His weekly column now appears in several newspapers and on a number of Web sites. He also writes a twice-monthly column on Indian and Indian-American issues. He is a diehard fan of the National Football League and also likes to run, lift weights and play soccer, tennis and pool. An award-winning feature writer and aspiring novelist, he plans to publish a collection of his best columns. You can write to him at comments@melvindurai.com To read his older columns, go to http://www.melvindurai.com

An Indian-American friend of mine was grumbling about corruption in India, blaming it for the country's slow development and the reluctance of NRIs to invest in the economy. "Everyone in India accepts bribes," he complained.

I asked him about his sister in Bangalore. He said she's still waiting for her green card, though he sponsored her 15 years ago. "No one in America accepts bribes," he complained.

Of course, he was exaggerating -- on both counts. Not everyone in India accepts bribes. In fact, the National Anti-Corruption Committee (NACC) has compiled a list of government officials who have never accepted bribes and hopes to give awards -- perhaps even gold watches -- to both of them.

If you want to know the names of these honest officials, just send a self-addressed stamped envelope to NACC -- and don't forget to include a token of your appreciation, preferably in the form of cash. The more you pay, the more likely the response.

Truth be told, there are hundreds of millions of people who have never accepted bribes. They are known as THE POOR. Though they have little money, some have to pay off others just to maintain their basic needs, such as a good spot on the pavement.

Corruption, unfortunately, extends into every sphere of life and is almost unavoidable. Money can get you just about anything: a good job, a good education, a good Internet connection.

From the lofty chief ministers to the lowly street sweepers, everyone has a price. And being caught on tape accepting a bribe won't necessarily jeopardize your career, especially if you can find someone else to bribe.

Even if you've just stuffed thousands of rupees into your pockets, you can plead your innocence. "This is not a bribe. This is a donation. I am a very honest person. As a wise man once said, it pays to be honest."

Yes, corruption is a serious problem, but despite what some believe, India is not the most corrupt country in the world. That distinction belongs to Bangladesh, which finished dead last among 91 countries surveyed for the 2002 Corruption Perceptions Index of Transparency International. India ranked 71st, while Pakistan was 79th, allowing Indian politicians to brag that they're more honest than their neighbors. "If you want to see real corruption, just cross the border. Even husbands have to bribe wives just to have children."

Finland was the least corrupt country, while the U.S. finished 16th. America was ranked high partly because its politicians don't accept bribes. They accept "campaign contributions."

Whether or not we want to admit it, some of us wish we could get away with more "contributions" in America.

Immigration officer: "Welcome to America, Mr. Gopal. Do you have a visa?"

Gopal: "No, sir, but I have a MasterCard. What can I buy for you?"

Officer: "Just leave the card with me, Mr. Gopal. I like to do my own shopping. It will save you some trouble."

Gopal: "That is very kind of you, sir. And I'm sure you will also be kind to the next 200 people in line. They are my relatives. I'm sponsoring them - with that MasterCard."

For an email subscription to Melvin's regular weekly columns (not the ones that appear here), go to www.MelvinDurai.com

Cartoon Copyright © Sudeep Ross

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