Monday, Feb' 07, 2000
Living Together
- Elaine Rati Kochar Elaine Rati Kochar successfully blends her traditional values and social responsiblities as a housewife with a streak for knowledge, creativity, social service and exploration. Her husband is a former Air Force Officer who is now a commerical pilot. Presently she is working at developing software for making computer lessons more interesitng for school children. |
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Just a few thoughts on living together instead of (or as a preview to) getting married. Indians in olden times did it. Some tribes in India and in other parts of the world still do. Why is it that the majority of Indians are the most easily shocked? We come from a culture, which was more emancipated than others during the Dark Ages of the West. Khajuraho sculptures and the Kamasutra are much acclaimed and acknowledged as great works of art and prose. Most foreigners think us hypocritical in our moral codes of conduct and wonder what good reason we have to be so easily shocked at nudity and erotic art when they are literally carved in stone in our own country. But in India the average person would rather appear shocked than blasé. It is the accepted form if you are well bred and well brought up. Accepting divorce, homosexuality, cross-dressing, is still not the norm. Yes, now it is quite the fashion to appear to accept these as a way of life but only a chosen few do, who depend on their peers to have equivalent views. In company when not sure how acceptance of "broadminded" viewpoints would be received, we keep silent rather than risk shocking everyone else. Even short skirts and trousers on women shock villagers who are completely unconcerned with their women going about with half saris and no blouses! We live in a country of double standards. The opinions of the older generation brush off on most of the younger generation. Again, only the ones who want to appear more "modern", Western and radical in their thinking "live together".
I come across very few couples living together today. Maybe I don't mix in the right company or belong to an older set. In smaller cities and towns one rarely gets the privilege of meeting these elusive couples. A couple of the same sex living together - never! I am afraid they would be met with outrage. About ten years ago I knew a young couple in Delhi who were living together. They were lovely people, friendly, well read and, necessarily, open in their outlook. They lived by the edict "Live and Let Live." I felt a bit sorry for them because they had to reiterate that philosophy to others. I thought their chosen way of life should have been so acceptable as to be not worth mentioning. It should not have been necessary for them to justify it to anyone. Can we not learn to take it as a way of life and not with the attitude of "Live and let live"? When we say that, we obviously send a message to others telling them "they" can do as they wish but we are" holier than thou". In India we have a long way to go back, to acceptance of people's right to lead their lives any which way they want, and still be thought normal. There is much to say for and against the system of living together, and I am sure there are many of you who will give me your firm opinions. I look forward to those. As for me no harm in trying something out once, eh?
Ha, ha!
Till we Connect again next week...
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