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India Overflows Into The World Melvin Durai Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer and humorist. Born in Tamil Nadu, India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. In 1995, while working as a reporter for a daily newspaper in Chambersburg, Pa., he began writing a regular humor column. His weekly column now appears in several newspapers and on a number of Web sites. He also writes a twice-monthly column on Indian and Indian-American issues. He is a diehard fan of the National Football League and also likes to run, lift weights and play soccer, tennis and pool. An award-winning feature writer and aspiring novelist, he plans to publish a collection of his best columns. You can write to him at comments@melvindurai.com To read his older columns, go to http://www.melvindurai.com

It is known as the Indian diaspora, the scattering of Indians around the world. We've settled in almost every country that offers the basic necessities: food, water, and coconut oil. In fact, the only reason Indians are not in the history books as the world's greatest explorers is our habit of arriving late.

Italy's Christopher Columbus may have discovered America, but that's only because India's Ali Akbar took too long loading his ship. "Beedis. We need more beedis," he told the first mate. "They will sell like hot cakes in the West."

Captain James Hook owes his fame not only to his Pacific Ocean voyages, but also to the wife of Indian explorer Rajendran Kumar, who didn't want her husband to leave without getting good directions.

And if another Indian explorer had not been late going to Africa, the immortal words of Henry Stanley might have been, "Dr. Lakshmanan, I presume."

But tardy or not, at least many Indians have shown the courage to venture forth, leaving the known for the unknown. And like the early explorers, they've battled a host of problems, including strange diseases, severe weather, and airline food.

Their resilience and resourcefulness are evident all over the world. Go to Paris and you'll see Patel Brothers Perfume Shop. Go to London and you'll see Patel Brothers Fish 'n' Chips Restaurant. Go to New York and you'll see Patel Brothers Tattoo Parlor.

Even if you travel to the heart of the Amazon Rainforest, you will find a group of Indians there, probably selling flood insurance to the natives.

Back in the '60s, my parents migrated to Zambia, Central Africa, and discovered, happily, that thousands of Indians were already there. The mineral-rich country had attracted not just business people, but also doctors, engineers, teachers and other skilled workers. Most were expatriates and their favorite word, by far, was "remittance."

While such Indians have taken advantage of opportunities outside their motherland, dozens of countries have taken advantage of them. Indeed, if India were a business, it would be the world's most successful employment agency.

Manager: "Hello. Thank you for calling Indian Manpower Unlimited. May I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, I'm calling from Zimbabwe. We need to hire some doctors and nurses."

Manager: "No problem. How many do you need? We can send you ten million tomorrow."

Caller: "Only 800 of each please."

Manager: "Only 800? Please take 1,000. We will give you a discount and throw in some politicians for free."

Caller: "Please keep the politicians. We have enough problems as it is."

Despite the needs of many countries, Indians aren't always welcome. Who can forget Idi Amin's expelling of Ugandan Asians in 1972? Though about 57,000 were British passport holders, Britain tried to find homes for them elsewhere. But other countries weren't too receptive.

British Honduras: "We'll take 25. As long as they have money."

Falkland Islands: "We'll take 50. As long as they have medical degrees."

Ethiopia: "We'll take 100. As long as they have food."

Thankfully, such problems have not kept the Indian diaspora from growing. As that great explorer Ali Akbar once said, "Indians are everywhere. If we're smart, we can sell millions of beedis."

For an email subscription to Melvin's regular weekly columns (not the ones that appear here), go to www.MelvinDurai.com

Cartoon Copyright © Sudeep Ross

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