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All of us are emotional beings to some extent. What we say or do is based on our feelings. Emotions are a very active part of our lives and we play with each emotion to suit our needs.

When we are in love, we may say and do sentimental things, which might appear foolish to others. When angry or jealous, we may act in childish ways, only to regret it later. When emotionally aroused, we sometimes act in irrational, self-defeating ways.

Emotions are shown in different ways. By being either happy, sad, mad or angry. Sadness could be a cover up for being hurt or angry. And anger could be a cover up for being sad, hurt or jealous.

Imagine this scenario - common enough to happen to anyone:
Rohan meets Nisha during the college cultural week. There is lot of activity and gaiety. And the cupid's arrow, casts its spell once again. Rohan and Nisha find ways and reasons to be together, being witty and sometimes coy with each other.
The cultural week is soon over, and its back to serious studies and the romance which had blossomed during that week, grows deep and strong as the year progresses.

It is rosy and smooth sailing for Rohan and Nisha, who are living in their own cozy private world - exchanging notes - telling each other sweet nothings, sharing dreams, promises of being together forever.

And then, Sheetal an old flame of Rohan, comes back into his life. And boom, lighting strikes! The Green Eyed monster steps in - Jealousy - has raised its evil head. The relationship goes sour, and the crack of mistrust widens. In a fit of anger, Nisha ends her relationship with Rohan. She was miserable for days on end, hurt and confused, experiencing various emotions simultaneously.

Jealousy a complex emotion occurs when we fear losing a close relationship with another person or have lost it already. Romantic jealousy is a blend of emotions, including fear of loss, anger over betrayal, and insecurity.

Here it was, fear of losing Rohan to someone else. Angry because Rohan showed affection and interest for Sheetal, anger towards Sheetal for spoiling their beautiful relationship and sometimes anger diverted at herself for reacting. The feeling of being hurt and rejected takes over so strongly, his uncaring attitude and the realization that their love for each other was not strong enough adds on to her insecurity.

All the above emotions are a part of life experiences of growing up. We all experience one or all of the emotions at some stage in our relationships with others, but these emotions can be controlled.

For example there are ways of decreasing jealousy. How?

1. Find out exactly what is it that makes you jealous.

• Is it what your partner did? Or is it a matter of pride?
• Do you believe the other person belongs to you like a possession?
• Does the situation provoking jealousy lead to fear of losing this relationship?

2. It is important to put jealous feelings in perspective. One way is to ask yourself-

• "What is it that I want to be different?"
• What do I really want? Why?

After understanding more fully what it is that really bothers you and makes you jealous you're ready to approach your partner.

3. Sit down with your partner and discuss the situation. Express your views and then listen carefully to your partner's response, including his or her feelings.

• Avoid defensive or destructive responses.
• Emphasize active, constructive responses that enable both of you to preserve your self-esteem while maintaining or improving your relationship.
• Negotiate agreement or conditions about any outside involvement

It is okay to feel jealous and to react; you are entitled to your feelings. You are hurting. Shout, scream, cry your heart out on a friends shoulder, but get it out of your system in an appropriate manner, but make sure not to hurt yourself or another. Give yourself the permission, its perfectly fine to vent out your emotions. The world hasn't ended.

Most often we hold on to relationship gone sour, not because we don't know how to get out of such a relationship but because we don't know what else to do during those frightening moments. For at such times letting go is very frightening. Thoughts and feelings that crowd ones mind during that period would be; How can I let go of him now. What would my friends thinks of me? I don't want to be laughed at?

A flood of misplaced and dangerous false self-concern blocks your thought and feelings. Letting-go of everything that drags you though unpleasant relationships and events, letting-go of those painful thoughts and feelings that sink our spirits with weary, false self-concerns is the most difficult task to accomplish, but if you set your mind to do it, it is not that difficult. Painful yes, but it can be achieved by sheer willingness to set your self free from being hurt and make a new beginning for yourself.

The cycle of emotions follow a pattern - in any relationship there is first an attachment, then bonding takes place (here we share our innermost feelings with each other, a very vulnerable stage), then comes separation (it could be for various reasons) followed by grief over our loss. After this cycle completes, given with time, we start the process or the cycle of life as it is called, all over again, getting into new relationships.

You don't need strength to let go of something. What you really need is to understand yourself, which in turn will make you strong and independent.

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