Monday, Jan 5, 2009
Egypt: no country for old maids
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Exasperated by the pressures of a society obsessed with marriage and the production of children, a young Egyptian woman has come to the rescue of her country's stigmatised spinsters.
 Egyptian journalist and blogger Yomna Mokhtar in Cairo
© AFP/File Cris BouroncleIn the hope of changing the prejudices suffered by the unmarried and to shed light on the difficulties of being a woman in a patriarchal society, Yomna Mokhtar set up "Spinsters for Change" about six months ago.
The group came to life on the Internet's social networking website Facebook, which has become a platform for a plethora of social protests in Egypt, and the 27-year-old's group now has more than 550 members.
"Society takes a very negative view of unmarried people. It puts great pressure on them and marginalises them" if they don't marry, Mokhtar, her face framed by an Islamic headscarf, told AFP.
In the conservative country where religion is omnipresent, getting married is an obligation for Christians and Muslims alike.
Islamic associations regularly organise mass weddings for those who lack the considerable funds needed for their own lavish ceremony, with the aim of avoiding so-called "deviant" behaviour -- extramarital relations or homosexuality.
Even though they may hold down regular jobs or are studying, unmarried women in Egypt are seen as incomplete, said Mokhtar, stressing the "psychological suffering" endured by some of her single friends.
The age by which a woman is expected to be married depends on her social class and education. Women from wealthier families or at university are often given a brief reprieve, but as the age of 30 approaches snide remarks increase.
In Egypt "women are taught from birth that their ultimate aim is to marry and have children," said Mokhtar. "Even if people just started saying 'this negative view of unmarried people, is this fair?' -- that would be progress."
According to sociologist Madiha el-Safty, an Egyptian woman's role is traditionally limited to that of wife and mother.
"Everyone hates to have an unmarried woman in the family," she said. "A single woman is frowned upon by society. People ask if there's something wrong with her."
Mokhtar said that media interest in her group and the fact that married couples and bachelors have also joined it are signs of a small initial shift in society.
 A collective wedding organised by Islamic association Karme el-Islam in Cairo
© AFP/File Khaled DesoukiRabab Ibrahim, 33, heard about the group on television. She said Egyptian society's belief that marriage always brings happiness can actually bring unhappiness instead.
"Society refuses to understand that a lot of people are married but not happy," she told AFP.
"I overcome the pressure by always expressing my opinion on marriage. I am totally convinced that either I want to have a good husband and a happy marriage or I prefer to be single for ever... I'm not losing much.
"The problem is that society hasn't understood that things aren't as they were 30 years ago, that women have changed and mentalities have changed."
One of the group's male members, Mohammed Abdel Ati, 25, said: "It's not normal what's happening, someone had to say something about it."
"Almost all my friends are married with children. Every time I see them, it's the same refrain -- 'Let's hope you get married soon, Mohammed.' And their wives ask 'Don't you want us to find someone for you?'"
The Facebook group, which plans to organise sessions led by a psychologist during which the unmarried can express their feelings, is far from fighting for the right to be single and does not cross any of society's red lines.
"We're not against marriage or against men. We want households to have healthy and solid bases," said Mokhtar.
"Some marry too quickly just so that people will stop describing them as old maids. But by marrying the first person to ask, they risk swapping spinster status for that of a divorcee, which is just as frowned upon."
Mokhtar believes that changing mentalities "will be very difficult... But that won't stop us trying. We're going at it slowly."
While the group's activities have been generally well received, Safty says it is too early for the conservative majority to take the idea of remaining single on board.
"Things have changed slightly because of the evolution of woman's position: they study, they work, which can delay the age of getting married. But the pressures are still there," Safty said.
Faced with society's relentless pressure, unmarried pharmacist Ghada Abdel Al, 29, started a humorous blog which became a book under the tongue-in-cheek title "I Want to be Married."
"Maybe lots of young women have ambitions in their studies or work," she wrote. "But I challenge them to say that their main ambition isn't still to be married."
©AFP
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