Jayan comments : Who wrote this? Sandya Acharya or Ruchi Goenka
Nitin comments : This article is quite well written ... deserves the top rank .. no doubt whats written in it is truth and real.
Abhishek Lohia comments : A great piece of composition from a young lady of this "So Called Modern World".
Felt amazingly touched to see the amount of emotions and humour this young lady has depicted through her words.
"May God Bless Her Always"
Shoba Srinivasan comments : modern day life has many more issues to deal with, albeit self created, than the "golden age". not all of modern day life is stone age oriented. one could still have a nuclear family and maintain close relations with parents, siblings etc., i speak from practising such a system with at least 20 odd families.
the foundation must be laid by parents themselves. it's one thing to bemoan the loss of the good ole days, realising it and making that difference is the actual test.
shoba
Prof. Rajendra Kumar Aggarwala comments : This is a beautiful rendition of Ruchi Goenka's transitional experiences from one culture towards the other in making.
'Modern' is sometimes mistaken for 'progress'. In the current context, we might even call it 'regressive'. Even though Shoba has made some good points in her comments, there are some fundamental differences that are evident in these transitions.
The main problems are the emphases on 'self' and 'rights' without corresponding duties & responsibilities. In the traditional Indian family system, the teachings and practices are based on the sanctity of the family as a fundamental unit of society, based on duty towards each other, play of roles and responsibilities, unconditional love, mutual sacrifice and commitment, all woven within the fabric of traditions and disciplines of the family system. Modernity, unfortunately has started implying abandonment of these ingredients of the family system, towards material satisfaction of selfish ends and senses, and worst of all, not by following one's 'own social instincts and needs', but by 'blindly copying foreign imported social paradigms'.
All is, however, certainly not lost. There are inherent strengths and fundamental vitality within the Indian family systems, and our social and religious traditions, that we can transform ourselves slowly but surely to cope with the new situations and environments that confront many families. And Ruchi Goenka's writing is an example that many who are undergoing these transformations, want to confront them, and possibly moderate and even reverse them, towards a more balanced paradigm. These forces are faced more starkly while living in the foreign lands.
We should not forget that vast majority of Indians still live and love their old and traditional family values. 'Modern', can become progressive, if these values blend harmoniously with the new developing paradigms.
Baldev P. Sood comments : As the wealth grows so does the love for wealth and this continues on and on. What this effects is the sharing aspect of life which continues to decrease because all the attention is diverted to creating more wealth or protecting it. During this struggle the individual loses sight of the real i.e.love, Wealth comes in two forms.i)love ii) greed. choose what one likes. It is extremely difficult to go in water and not getting wet.This is state of modern individual, What is being asked at work is how much?In this rat race we forget lot of values. As long as Laxmi(wealth) is there the temptation will always be there.
Alok Harnathka comments : This is a really beautiful article and brings down on paper the real facts in todays life.
I would like to congratulate Ruchi Goenka who has the courage to Pen down such a article.
May others who read it ponder over it for a while and set right their lives
Mamata Misra comments : I strongly recommend reading the book titled "Traits of a Healthy Family" by Dolores Curran who explores the strengths of the modern healthy family.
The healthy modern family ... 1. communicates and listens 2. affirms and supports one another 3. teaches respect for others 4. develops a sense of trust 5. has a sense of play and humor 6. exhibits a sense of shared responsibility 7. teaches a sense of right and wrong 8. has a strong sense of family in which rituals and traditions abound 9. has a balance of interaction among members 10. has a shared religious core 11. respects the privacy of one another 12. values service to others 13. fosters family table time and conversation 14. shares leisure time 15. admits to and seeks help with problems.
Curran arrived at these based on input from professionals like teachers, counselors, pastoral staff, doctors, nurses, therapists, social workers, community leaders, and coaches, in other words, professionals who come in contact with families in there profession everyday.
Modern families that have these characteristics (and they do exist) produce healthy offspring who when adults strengthen the society.
Does it matter whether the family has one parent or two parents as long as these traits are present?
Probably not, except for the fact that having two parents living in the home also seems to be an important trait of a healthy modern family. Probably because single parents have more pressure on them and struggle harder to make ends meet.
However, it must not be assumed that families with two parents always have these healthy traits. It is far from true.
Also, often single parent homes are created because the double parent home lacks the above characteristics or because life is unsafe for one or more members in the double parent family. Nobody marries just to get a divorce and live alone two years later. Nobody is that foolish. The modern human expects much more from marriage today than she/he did 100 or 50 years ago. Modern human wants democracy rather than dictatorship in her/his home today. This was not so 100 years ago, the so-called golden age? The golden age family is probably a myth. Our grandparents lived together even when they had nothing in common because they didn't have any other choice and their expectations out of marriage or family were different.
Historically, the family had five major functions: 1. economic survival, 2. protection, 3. to pass on religious faith, 4. to educate the young, and 5. to confer status. As long as these functions were met it didn't matter what went on inside the family, whether there was good communication, emotional support, or trusting relationship. Even today, some people believe that these five functions suffice for a family.
However, in the modern society, at least in the western one, these historical functions are not needed as much. Man can cook, launder. Woman can earn her own. Economically we may not need each other to survive. Even children are not economic assets as they were historically. They are costly luxuries in the modern day of expensive education and lifestyle. Historical family's protective function is provided by the law enforcement component of the government. Historical family's religious function has been transferred to the Sunday school, educative function to the public school and status is increasingly coming from one's job rather than one's family.
Therefore, today people expect much more than these five functions from their families. Those who don't understand this, don't understand the increase in divorce rates. Today, we don't want to live with someone unless there is the sort of love that nourishes the soul and enables people to grow. Also, today the family interaction has changed from being heirarchical to team-work.
Is this bad? Is this loss of golden times? Is this going back to stone age? Not necessarily. But it does call for recognition of the change. The world is changing from monarchy and dictatorship to democracy. Where it hasn't, there is trouble. Family unit is giving up patriarchy and embracing equality. Where it isn't there is trouble leading to unhappiness and sometimes divorce. This fact needs to be understood.
At the same time, modern healthy families do enjoy a kind of fulfillment our grandparents (especially grandmothers)didn't dream of in their family relationships. Many joint families, that may look like unity to outsiders show dirty family politics and a lot of competition for shared resources inside. Is that healthy? Not really. It is where children learn bad things, like control and manipulation.
It is indeed oversimplification to say that old times were good, and things are bad now. One needs to go beyond that to understand why there are more divorces now and what one can do to prevent divorces and have long sustaining meaningful relationships to build healthy families to raise our young.
